More Than FuMP: Songs of The FuMP, Vol. 2

by Tom Smith

supported by
/
1.
2.
03:49
3.
4.
02:57
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.

about

Tom has always had a love-hate -- all right, a not-really-like-very-much-at-all-hate relationship with kids. But that's been changing for a few years now... which leads us to this. Disconcertingly, about half the songs on this album are specifically for kids. ("Who The Fuck Is Matt" notwithstanding.) Truly, the Tom are a-changin'. Anyhow. here are all of the songs Tom did for The FuMP in 2008 and the first part of 2009, along with a few non-FuMP ditties he did along the way. As usual, nothing is safe -- zombies, pirates, ninjas, Dr. Horrible, Death Note, research animals, bunnies, Jonathan Coulton, food, love itself. And Watchmen. Don't forget Watchmen. Also, "Stony Peak" and "I Had A Shoggoth" have been remixed from their original FuMP releases, with even a new joke here and there!

credits

released May 20, 2009

Cover Art: Luke Sienkowski

tags

license

about

Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

contact / help

Contact Tom Smith

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code

Track Name: Lumberin' Bunny
Bunny come lumberin' out the trees,
Eatin' up everything Bunny sees,
Grass and carrots, quick as you please,
Slathered in mayo and cheddar cheese.

Lumberin' Bunny ain't like the other buns,
Lumberin' Bunny weighs seven tons
Lumberin' Bunny, he loves to eat,
But he can't see his own lucky rabbit's feet.

Bunny love to nibble when he gets the chance,
But show him bunny kibble, he looks askance,
Give Bunny pizza, he starts to dance,
Every two weeks Bunny buys new pants.

Lumberin' Bunny, quiet as a quake,
Lumberin' Bunny, the meadow starts to shake,
Lumberin' Bunny watches right and left
But he's happiest watching Iron Cheft.

Never ate a salad or a sandwich,
Not when there was barbecue around,
As he emptied out his larder, didn't notice how much harder
It was to get off the ground.

Bunny finally got so big
The spider next door made a web: "SOME PIG"
So Bunny finally changed his tune,
And works out with Richard Simmons every afternoon.

(discoish)
Exercisin' Bunny, movin' with the groove,
Weight-watchin' Bunny, watch his health improve,
Jazzercizin' Bunny, doing everything right --
But he still gets a pizza every Friday night.
Track Name: Stony Peak
Wouldst that I stood 'pon care-worn Stony Peak,
Below in the vales of Tennessee.
'Tis no pollution-filled smoke 'pon Stony Peak,
Nor scrolls from AT&T.

One cannot cultivate maize 'pon Stony Peak,
The stones cause farming to fail --
'Tis why the only grain 'pon Stony Peak
Is found in a tankard of ale.

Stony Peak! I shall e'er regard
Thee as mine own backyard,
Noble, ancient Stony Peak,
Stony Peak of Midgard,
Stony Peak of Midgard.

Goin' up to Nifelheim, goin' for a stroll,
Goin' up to Nifelheim, kill a big troll.
Goin' up to Nifelheim, goin' in a skiff,
Goin' up to Nifelheim to see my Sif.

In times past, varlets hied yon Stony Peak,
Seeking the nectar of Odin,
Ne'er did those varlets descend Stony Peak,
Speaking of them is verboten.

In my youth, I loved, on Stony Peak,
A witch born of Ursa and Felis,
As weasel unchecked, as mead honey-flecked,
And my slumber is yet haunted by this Venus.

Stony Peak! I shall e'er regard
Thee as mine own backyard,
Noble, ancient Stony Peak,
Stony Peak of Midgard,
Stony Peak of Midgard.
Track Name: I Had A Shoggoth
I had a shoggoth, he pleased me,
But drove me to insanity.
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had a minion, he pleased me,
Got victims for my laboratory.
Minion went YES, MASTER
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had a zombie, he pleased me,
With his decaying anatomy.
Zombie went BRAAAINNNZZZ
Minion went YES, MASTER
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had a werewolf, he pleased me,
Devoured every cat he'd see.
Werewolf went HOWWWWWWL
Zombie went BRAAAINNNZZZ
Minion went YES, MASTER
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had a mummy, he pleased me,
And taught me Egyptology.
Mummy went MMMMMMMMMMM
Werewolf went HOWWWWWWL
Zombie went BRAAAINNNZZZ
Minion went ABBY SOMEBODY
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had a hunchback, he pleased me,
Got Esmerelda sanctuary.
Hunchback went THE BELLS
Mummy went MMMMMMMMMMM
Werewolf went HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH
Zombie went BRAAAINNNZZZ
Minion went YES, MASTER
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had a vampire, he pleased me,
But at my parties he wouldn't drink... tea.
Vampire went GOOD EVEN-ING
Hunchback went THE BELLS
Mummy went MMMM... DONUTS
Werewolf went HOWWWWWWL
Zombie went BRAAAINNNZZZ
Minion went IT'S STILL WARM
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had an Old One, he pleased me,
In R'lyeh sunk beneath the sea.
Cthulhu went BLUGGA BLUGGA BLUGGA
Vampire went GOOD EVEN-ING
Hunchback went THE BELLS
Mummy went MMMMMMMMMMM
Werewolf went RRUFF RRUFF
Zombie went BRAAAINNNZZZ
Minion went YES, MASTER
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had a Cylon, he pleased me,
But then he turned into a she.
Cylon went BY YOUR COMMAND
Cthulhu went BLUGGA BLUGGA BLUGGA
Vampire went CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT, SHUT UP!
Hunchback went THE BELLS
Mummy went MMMMMMMMMMM
Werewolf went HOWWWWWWL
Zombie went CHEETOS
Minion went YES, MASTER
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had a Dalek, he pleased me,
But stairs would make him really cranky.
Dalek went EXTERMINATE
Cylon went BY YOUR COMMAND
Cthulhu went BLUGGA BLUGGA BLUGGA
Vampire went GOOD EVEN-ING
Hunchback went THE BELLS
Mummy went MMMMMMMMMMM
Werewolf went HERE KITTY KITTY
Zombie went BRAAAINNNZZZ
Minion went NOT THE RED ONE!
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had a Sith Lord, he pleased me,
But I hated his prequel trilogy.
Vader went KHSHHHHH-HHHOSHHHHH
Dalek went EXTERMINATE
Cylon went I FEEL PRETTY
Cthulhu went BLUGGA BLUGGA BLUGGA
Vampire went GOOD EVEN-ING
Hunchback went CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
Mummy went MMMMMMMMMMM
Werewolf went HOWWWWWWL
Zombie went BRAAAINNNZZZ
Minion went YES, MASTER
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had a Dark Lord, he pleased me,
But he couldn't beat Harry and Hermione.
Riddle went AVADA KEDAVRA
Vader went LUKE, YOU KISSED YOUR SISTER
Dalek went IT IS NOT A TOILET PLUNGER
Cylon went DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
Cthulhu went PFAGH! Calimari....
Vampire went TWELVE BEAUTIFUL VERSES
Hunchback went OUT THERE....
Mummy went MMMM CHOCOLATE
Werewolf went HOWWWWWWL ME OF LONDON
Zombie went NOT EAT EYES
Minion went WHAT HUMP?
Shoggoth went TEKELI-LI

I had Galactus, he pleased me,
But he ate my planet casually.
Galactus went CHOMP.
Track Name: Still A Nerd
I have six bowties.
None of my pants cuffs reach my shoes,
And I sort my underwear by thread count.

Majored in physics,
Minored in getting beaten up.
Wore a kick-me sign until
I had that jacket dry-cleaned.

Lifting weights, I hurt myself with only three curls,
And I've never had a conversation with girls.
But I built a droid myself using parts from off the shelf --
You can see that I'm still a nerd.

Not that I'm bragging...
George Lucas texts me when he's stuck.
I can quote the Matrix films in Klingon.

Chess is too simple --
I'd rather frag a bunch of n00bz.
I'm a god until I have
To be in Meatspace again.

'Cause my nasal laughter makes folks think I'm a dope,
And someday I ought to get familiar with soap.
But my bosses aren't saps, 'cause their network would collapse
If I wasn't still a nerd.

Jonathan Coulton,
Maybe Weird Al, oh yeah, Tom Lehrer...
Someday I should pay them for their albums.

Downloading's easy,
Downloading comedy is hard.
I can crack this DRM,
But then I wrote it myself.

A fine meal, a sunset or such similar joys
Seem a waste of time when I've got all of my toys,
I'm an outcast socially, but I've bought your company --
It's just fine that I'm still a nerd.

Steven Hawking says I'm still a nerd.
There's no reason I should have matured.
I can hack your whole life with a word,
And you'll never know what just occurred,
So be nice to me, I'm still a nerd.
Still a nerd,
Still a nerd.
Track Name: Go Drosophila Go
We come
In through a rip in the window screen
And the good vibrations of the washing machine.
There are kids and a dog but we just can't stop,
There's a ripe banana on the countertop.
And if we had 'em, we'd stuff our cheeks,
There's enough for us to live on for weeks,
If you toss it out, it's too late anyway,
We're here and we're here to stay.

And we're friendly, harmless little tiny flies,
And we're up your nose and in front of your eyes.
Why we keep coming back you'll never know,
Go! Drosophila, go!

Our full name is Drosophila Melanogaster,
And you'll wish you could send us to Madagascar.
The slightest morsel or the smallest drop
Is an invitation to set up shop.
A hot dog bun or a week-old peach
Will be invaded like Omaha Beach.
A potato chip or an orange rind,
Is a big honkin' neon sign.

And you've used enough Lysol to kill Rodan,
But you missed one grape in the garbage can.
Might as well give up, it's the status quo,
Go! Drosophila, go!

In genetics research, we're a plus,
We've got big DNA and we breed like us.
We could've had a science career, it's true,
But we'd rather hang around right here with you!

We don't understand why you're afraid of flies,
'Cause you're only a billion times our size.
We're as big as the dot on the letter "i",
But you flail like Frankenstein when we come by,
Bring your sticky paper, your Off and Raid,
We were already dying and our eggs are laid,
You'll think you're finally rid of us when
It starts all over again!

Just abandon your kitchen when we come to play,
You didn't need those calories anyway,
Nyeah-nyeah nyeah nyeah-nyeah nyeah nyeah, you're too slow,
Go! Drosophila, go!
Go! Drosophila, go!
Go! Drosoph-
Track Name: Who The Fuck Is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?

I got on the Death Note fandom boards,
And ran into rabid fangirl hordes,
Slashing every pairing that caught their eyes,
I kept seeing a name I didn't recognize.

Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?

Pretty-boy criminal hireling fellow,
He does dirty work for a guy named Mello,
He gets shot up by a million cops,
He's in the damn show, like, a minute, tops.

Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?

It's a walk-on part, but look what it did,
He's in more fics than that Malfoy kid,
Teased and tortured, snuggled and swived,
Imagine what they'd write if the guy had survived.

Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Who, who the fuck is Matt?
Track Name: Zombie Pirates In Love
You've heard of Captain Blackbeard,
How he had a dozen wives,
Well, we've got something more weird,
And it's surely changed our lives.
You may not think us gentle or kind,
But we're all gallant swains,
We admire a lady for her mind,
Or more precisely her BRAINZ!

Zombie pirates in love, yo ho!
Zombie pirates in love,
We used to be normal buccaneers
Till those lights came from above,
Our ship met a glowing fog one night,
And we came out with an appetite
For human flesh, if it's Miss Right...
Zombie pirates in love, yo ho!
Zombie pirates in love.

We've got that rakish swagger,
And we've got that roguish charm,
We've got that bug-eyed stagger,
And we've got somebody's arm.
Now, you may think you're faster
Than a zombie on a boat
But all we need's a pastor
And you're Mrs. Undead Cutthroat.

Zombie pirates in love, yo ho!
Zombie pirates in love,
We may be dead, but we'll be wed
When pushing comes to shove,
Come on, me beauty, take a chance
On eternal love and true romance,
At the wedding we'll do the Thriller dance....
Zombie pirates in love, yo ho!
Zombie pirates in love.

Our honeymoon will be a terror
Of connubial bliss
For no bride's mother can prepare her
For a night like this,
In matrimony holy
Our bones will groan and creak
And if we both chew slowly
We could make it last all week.

So let's hear all the cannons roar and
Let's all celebrate.
Raise the Jolly Roger, Corman,
I've acquired a mate.
You'll be my wife long after life,
You'll always have my heart,
We'll keep love fresh with living flesh
Until we fall apart.

Zombie pirates in love, yo ho!
Zombie pirates in love,
We'll roam the sea eternally,
My rotting turtle dove,
It's not the life you might have had,
But zombie pirating ain't all bad,
And I can't wait to eat -- meet! your mom and dad --
Zombie pirates in love, yo ho!
Zombie pirates in love.
Zombie pirates in love, yo ho!
Zombie pirates in love.
Yo, ho, yo, ho, we're zombie pirates in love!
Track Name: Giant Monster
I'm gonna make me a giant monster, that's what I'm gonna do.
He'll have one big eye, he'll stomp and fly and maybe breathe fire too.
He'll be as tall as the Cannon Ball at Six Flags Over Kalamazoo,
With a taste for brains and human remains and Bolognese ragu.
The lab's all ready, lookin' great,
Now which of my pets should I recreate...?

Don't wanna use the puppy, he'll poop everywhere.
Don't wanna use the guppy, he'll run out of air.
Don't wanna use the gerbil, gerbils eat their young.
Don't wanna use the turtle, turtles have been done.
My sister's kitten's asleep with her dolls,
Well, look out, Mittens, Mad Science calls....

Strapped him to the table -- I'll eventually heal. No pain!
Hooked him up to the cable, I'll make him go insane.
Wires and electrodes, steel wool for hair,
Two big honkin' neckbolts, Kitty's loaded for bear.
Vitamins with iron, and Miracle Gro,
Now plug him in, and here we go!

Look at Kitty growing, fifty feet tall at least!
It's so cool knowing I created this beast.
Of course, he ain't been fed yet -- don't look at me like that....
I lose my shoes and headset running from a giant cat.
You stupid boy, what will it do?
I must destroy this thing I grew!

I'm gonna make another giant monster, that's what I'm gonna do...
Track Name: Bad Horse Death Note
Death Note, Death Note,
Death Note, Death Note.

A shinigami's notebook has fallen from the skies,
Picked up by Light Yagami, smarter than most guys,
Whoever's name is written within the notebook dies,
And now behind his good facade,
Light's killing crooks and playing God.

Death Note, Death Note,
Death Note, Death Note.

Now L, the great detective, is hot upon the case,
He knows the killer Kira needs a name and face,
L thinks it's Light Yagami, they're on a merry chase,
One will smite and one get smote,
It's either Light or L -- Death Note.
Track Name: Redneck Ninjas
Way up in the Ozarks where the trees are thick and green,
There's a gifted band of warriors the world ain't never seen.
They live their lives in shadow, cuttin' throats and setting traps,
They die for family honor and they buy their beer from Pabst.

Beware the Redneck ninjas, who come out after dark,
We skulk around the truck stop and we stalk the trailer park.
Black overalls and baseball caps hide us in the night --
At least they would if our socks and skin weren't so pasty white.

We ain't got fancy clothes or weapons, just what we can grab,
Like shuriken cut from beer cans and caltrops from pull tabs.
For swords we sharpen up machetes, breakin' all the laws,
Our blowguns come from Steak 'n' Shake, they've got the biggest straws.

Beware the Redneck Ninjas, 'cause we've learned to improvise,
Confederate flags conceal our faces and keep out the flies.
We make our stinging gas bombs with Tabasco in balloons --
Heck, half our gear's inspired by old Road Runner cartoons.

Hear now the tale of the final great battle between Clan Cabela and Clan Bigfoot.

For many years the clans had fought their secret hidden wars,
For honor, gold and glory, and dibs on the hardware stores.
It mostly was just dirty tricks, they never came to blows,
Till one day on their border was a brand new shiny Lowe's.

Bigfoot lords found taxidermied beavers in their beds;
Whatever flattened Cabela's camp had big ol' honkin' treads.
It mighta broke down then and there if not for cooler heads --
They chose to hold the tournament that every ninja dreads.

The terrible, the dangerous, most extreme event of them all.
YAKUZA-PALOOZA!

A ninja competition, each side would pick one man
To represent the spirit and the honor of the clan.
Cabela picked Ted Nugent, with longbow and guitar,
And Bigfoot chose TruckZilla, who ate Ted Nugent's car.

The Nuge, he calmly got TruckZilla right there in his sights;
He knocked off all his mirrors and he shot out all his lights.
Truckzilla thrashed around until his engine up and died,
And fell right through an outhouse that was, sadly, occupied.

The outhouse door swung open, Truckzilla had barely missed
The champion of Clan NASCAR, and he was doubly pissed.

So now it was a three-way dance, but before they could cut loose,
Right in front of 'em, a beer truck smashed into a wayward moose.

Ol' Ted nailed a guitar riff as he closed in for the kill,
The NASCAR pinned that rig between Truckzilla and his grille,
They declared a truce over Buds and moose smoked brisket barbecue,
And vowed to work together against the dread clan Sudoku.

So now we stand united, till our enemies are gone.
If you hear "Dueling Banjos", then there's duelin' goin' on.
If our shogun says "Git 'er done", there won't be nothin' left,
So beware the Redneck Ninjas, the Good Ol' Boys of Death!
Track Name: Cooking For 93
It's that time when we're s'posed to be thankful for those things the year has brought so far,
So I thank my ex for the restraining order, Yukon Jack for my totaled car,
Thanks to all of my bosses for cutting their losses, I ain't got no income left,
But for one shining moment I'll be king at home, and my family's Iron Chef.

'Cause it's
Thanksgiving Day and they've all come to stay for a meal and the game on TV,
Gotta carve up the giblets and boil up the niblets, I'm cooking for 93.

There's my brother I hate and my sis who can't wait till our rich uncle finally dies,
There are nieces and nephews and more human refuse, and one aunt who always cries,
There are names that sound funny, they all owe me money, and they hug like badly-dressed squids,
There are three or four dozens of twice-removed cousins and they all of 'em brought their kids.

And it's
stuffing and brining and huffing and whining and is there enough for me?
No meat loaf or aspic, tryptophan fantastic, I'm cooking for 93

Sweet potatoes, under gallons of marshmallow creme,
Football pathos, Lions fans have a certain scream,
Beets and cranberries, only eaten one day a year,
Two guys named Larry I don't know but they've drunk all the beer.

We've devoured twelve birds and I don't have the words for the carnage this mob has wrought,
That's my last pumpkin pie, if you touch it you die, and I swear that I won't get caught,
As they file out the door, they all leave their own spoor, grabbing leftovers, mumbling thanks,
Anyone volunteer to take over next year? Yeah, I thought not, you rotten skanks.

My family hates me, I hate my family, and believe me, it works out great,
No exchange of good wishes, hell, no help with the dishes, and I charge twenty dollars a plate,
And I'll probably do this till I'm old and toothless, unless I can grow a spine,
And a few of my cousins have buns in the oven, I'll be cooking for ninety-nine....
Track Name: Songwriting Workshop
This is the verse that sets up the premise
Of why you have written a song.
Say what you want, it's your song after all,
But do try not to make each individual lyric line too long.
Because it might not scan.
Properly.

Usually a minor chord goes right here,
To add drama to each word.
Try to be not confusing regarding on which beats
Your words are sung so you're heard.

In the next verse you expand on your subject,
Whatever it happens to be,
Adding some depth to your first basic premise,
And why it's of interest to me.

Be sure to add detail, engage our emotions,
That's what adverbs are for,
And try not to make a repetitive chorus,
It's wasteful of words and a bore.
And try not to make a repetitive chorus,
It's wasteful of words and a bore.
And try not to make a repetitive chorus,
It's wasteful of words and a bore.
It's wasteful of words and a bore.
It's wasteful of words and a bore.

Some songs have a bridge which tells of some conflict
In which the main premise is caught.
Sometimes it's as long as a verse and a chorus,
And sometimes not.

And so with the last verse you wrap up your premise
And what it means to you and me.
Explain why you love or despise or don't care
Whatever your subject may be.

The next-to-last chorus can echo the first,
Or say something new and profound,
Like "Live for the moment" or "All men are bastards"
Or "Don't eat raw eggs off the ground".

The last chorus sums up the whole thing at once,
Be clever and brilliant and nifty,
And that is my workshop on writing a song,
Please, that'll be ninety-nine fifty.
Track Name: Cast Iron Stomach
Habanero hummus with Scotch Bonnets on the side,
Anchovies and roadkill dipped in broken glass and fried,
Donuts soaked in pickle juice with old banana peel,
Year-old cake with Gummi Worms and some worms that are real,
Dusty rusty carpet tacks with carpet still attached,
Eggs that aren't cooked, and two or three that nearly hatched,
Sludge from off the tires when my Mom drove into town,
Gimme lots of ketchup, 'cause the whole thing's going down!

I've got a cast iron stomach, I can eat anything,
A cast iron stomach, I'm the eating-stuff king,
Chicago deep dish pizza or a Buffalo wing,
Your Grandma's favorite custard or an old tire swing,
I've got a cast iron stomach, stuff you wouldn't believe,
And there's nothing you can give me that'll make me heave,
What can't I achieve, my cast iron stomach and me.

It started with a dare to drink some milk two days too old,
I kicked it back and liked it even though it wasn't cold,
And then I had a caterpillar on a paper plate,
And washed it down with Gatorade, hot glue, and Quaker State,
No matter what they handed me, it went down like a shot,
A part off someone's Buick, or a hanky wet with snot,
I smile and devour and gain not one calorie,
Steve Don't Eat It! and Benchilada ain't got nothin' on me.

And my cast iron stomach has the scientists mad,
They don't know how I can do it -- hey, too bad, so sad,
I nibble on plutonium, it's totally rad,
My hero's Tenzil Kim (that's Matter Eater Lad),
I'll be rich and famous with my digestive feats,
To heck with Harry Potter -- meet The Boy Who Eats,
It's gonna be sweet, my cast iron stomach and me.

Until I woke one morning and my stomach made a noise,
Like zombies and Godzilla singing with the Backstreet Boys.
I spent an hour bringing up what all went down the hatch,
Don't go in there without a gas mask till I light a match.
As quickly as it came, my super stomach went away,
And stupid normal boring food is all I eat all day,
And now the problem is I've got to get it through my skull:
I can't eat something crazy just 'cause normal food is dull.

My noncast iron stomach, I'm a regular kid,
Like Darth Vader with the Jedi, betrayed me, it did,
Now no more bugs or moldy rocks or undercooked squid,
No more eating everything, my quo pro is quid,
I miss my superpower, but I guess it's all right,
If it means I won't be stuck in the potty all night,
Pickled pork lips? Mm -- one bite, my cast iron stomach and me.
Track Name: Could It Be Shplove
Everyone sings romantic songs,
You know what I'm speakin' of,
They all sound the same, because besides the girl's name,
The lines have to rhyme with "love".

That doesn't leave too many options
Half a dozen words tops, and they're gone,
So it thoroughly rocks that there's lint from your socks
But not the socks you've got on

Could it be "Shplove"?
(Yes it could, it's all right, it's all good)
Wonderful "shplove",
(Filling my heart, between my toes, good place to start)
I can write a song without mentioning the perfect skies above,
Because now, at last, I know... it could be "shplove".

There's "dove", which is pretty romantic,
"Like a hand in a glove", which is sweet,
There's "shove", only good for break-up songs,
And "foxglove", kind of a cheat.

More songs have been written about love
Than all other songs that there be,
After all this time, shouldn't more words rhyme,
Well, I guess that it's up to me.

Could it be "gruhve",
(The Grandpa noise made while picking up Grandson's toys)
Beautiful "thpruve",
(The grand display, your spit-take after tasting Ocean Spray)
So many possibilities to take advantage of,
It doesn't have to end here, it could be "shplove".

"Zuv", the single hair that grows back, messing up your tan,
"Cruhve", the dead corn muffin mix that's baked into the pan,
"Bluhve", what's left of truck tires that have shredded in the street.
Come on, songwriters, get to work, the world is at your feet.

Could it be "k'shkuhve",
(The sweet perfume of your new Klingon costume)
Beautiful "fthuhve",
(When you kill the boss on Level 12 with awesome sauce)
I've so many ways to sing to you how much we are in love...
Because now, at last, I know...
It could be "grduhve" (the macho smile you fake so no one knows you're hurt)
It could be "shmuhve" (the drop of chili that just ruined your new shirt)
It could be "kwuhve" (the guy in front of you standing up the whole concert)
It could be... shplove.
Track Name: Rorschach Love
Saw a dog carcass in the alley this morning,
Tire tread on burst stomach...
Thought of you,
The sewers clot with blood from the corruption
And human filth, but I'm not...
Feeling blue.
Some people ask, "Who watches the Watchmen?"
Well, watching you was all I had to do
In your face I can see me -- well, psychologically,
Rorschach, I love you.

I never thought I'd find someone who understands so well
Just how cruel... life can be.
Who will drop the commie liberals down elevator shafts
With their heroin and child pornography.
The whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"
And you will whisper "No",
And that simple vicious thought gets me so darn frickin' hot,
Rorschach, I love you so.

You're a reflection of society,
All the passion that we can feel
How I love your sense of justice
And your trench-coated buns of steel.

They say they'll get you someday, you're a crazy outlaw mask,
But it's me... who's been caught.
They'll never understand, and I hope someday you'll ask
Me to score... your inkblot.
And even if we're facing Armageddon,
It doesn't matter what they do,
Atom bomb or giant squid, here's looking at you, kid,
Rorschach, I'll always love you.
I knew it from the start, you've grappling-gunned my heart,
Rorschach, I love you.