We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

I'm Just The House

by Tom Smith

/

about

The current mess in the House of Representatives will go down in history as provoking the most Congressional memes since Ted Cruz read "Green Eggs and Ham" and learned the wrong lesson from it.

lyrics

Boy, it sure is easier to get into Congress without the metal detectors. But what's with that sad branch of Congress over there?

I’m just the House,
Yes, I'm only the House,
And the only thing I can do is grouse
About the
Battle for the speakership that's going on,
The Republican majority is too far gone
But I’ll be a branch of Congress someday,
At least I hope and I pray that I will,
But today I am still just the House.

Gosh, House, I don't understand.
Aren't you already part of Congress?

Well, yes and no.
Y’see, the very first thing the House of Representatives has to do is elect a Speaker.
Until they have that recognized leader,
They can't vote on legislation, they can't get paid,
They can't nothin’.
And the front runner for Speaker is somebody no one likes or trusts, so he can't get enough votes to win.

I’m just the House,
Yes, I'm only the House,
And the nominee for Speaker’s a mouse
Who first condemned Trump for that whole insurrection thing,
Then went down to Mar-a-Lago to kiss his ring.
And he's sure that he’ll be Speaker someday,
At least he hopes and prays that he will,
But today he is still just a shill.

Listen to those Congresscritters arguing!
Is all that discussion and debate about you?

Yeah, they can't decide whether I should live or die.

Die!?

Yes, of embarrassment.
Their nominee keeps giving up more and more power to a radical fringe of seditionists pretending to be responsible lawmakers,
And they keep voting and he keeps losing.

Isn't doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results the definition of insanity?

Oh yes!

I’m just the House,
Yes, I'm only the House,
And whoever's Speaker will be a louse
But till they get two hundred eighteen votes, nothing gets done,
Wouldn't it be hilarious if Jeffries won,
'Cause someone's got to be the speaker someday,
At least I hope and pray that they will,
'Cause until then I’m ill, doing nil

Well, can't the minority party do anything?

Why should they? They’ve spent years watching these crazies mess up everything, with obstruction and insurrection and just plain denial of reality. They're unified behind their candidate, so they can munch popcorn and pass the Schadenfreude. To be honest, I really miss Nancy. I’m beginning to think I may never again be a functional part of the government.

At least I hope and I pray that I will,
But today I am still just the House.

Up and at ‘em, House!
Vote number twelve is in just fifteen minutes!

Oh, no!

credits

released January 7, 2023
Music: "I'm Just A Bill" by Dave Frishberg

license

tags

about

Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

contact / help

Contact Tom Smith

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code

Report this track or account