Warning: Extremely Liberal

by Tom Smith

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1.
Misdirection 03:02
Nine people were shot up in a church, uh-huh They caught the guy who did it after... a search He made a confession of his racist obsession, But the talking heads threw out some misdirection. It was in a church! He was anti-Christian! He shot old ladies! He was anti-rapist! It was in Carolina! He was anti-barbecue! Misdirection! Is deliberate distraction! It’s generally set apart from reality by a spurious talking point, So we talk about something else instead. The president gave an interview, uh-huh About a topic long over... due-ue. He made a digression ‘bout a verbal transgression And the talking heads shouted out misdirection. Oh! I’m offended he used that word! Racist! How dare he discuss his own people! Hooray! Now WE can say it! Misdirection! Is deliberate distraction! It’s generally set apart from reality by a spurious talking point, So we talk about something else instead. So if you’re racist -- “She was no saint” Or classist -- “Entitlements” Or anti-gay -- “family values” Or ammosexual -- “If only they’d had guns” Or anti-women -- “Legitimate rape” Or power-mad -- “Voter fraud” A misdirection gets you what you want. That flag’s a symbol of slavery, uh-huh, And flying it today is un-savory, So folks took exception to this old insurrection, And it really was some beautiful misdirection. Finally! We can put the Late Unpleasantness behind us! At last! 150 years of post-struggle struggle has paid off! Cool! Now we don’t have to do anything substantive about racism or guns! Misdirection! Is deliberate distraction! It’s generally set apart from reality by a spurious talking point, So we talk about something else instead. So if you’re racist -- “Reverse discrimination” Or classist -- “Lazy moochers” Or anti-gay -- “They might get it on me” Or ammosexual -- “Jade Helm 15” Or anti-women -- “Look how she’s dressed” Or power-mad -- “HITLER” A misdirection gets you what you want. Misdirection! Is deliberate distraction! It’s generally set apart from reality by a spurious talking point, So we talk about something else instead. Misdirection! Is deliberate distraction! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hal-le-lu-jah! Look! A Kardashian!
2.
Ted Cruz is so in love with freedom At least all his people tell him so Hates the poor and doesn't want to feed 'em, Thinks Obamacare just has to go, But a functioning government sucked out his compassion, Good thing he's not Canadian anymore Ted Cruz is Ted Cruz crazy Just be glad it's him not you If you had Ted Cruz's ego You might be Ted Cruz crazy too You'd flash your big white phony smile You'd dominate the news, And you'd be the only man on Earth Who didn't hate Ted Cruz Oh no, you wouldn't despise Ted Cruz Ted Cruz is always getting odder He knows he'll never be that sane again And when Ted Cruz looks for cannon fodder He sees the welfare queens and union men He knows someday he'll have to play A very subtle race card, He reads "Green Eggs and Ham" and gets it wrong Ted Cruz is Ted Cruz crazy Just be glad it's him not you If you had Ted Cruz's viewpoint You might be Ted Cruz crazy too You'd threaten the economy While your colleagues drink their booze And you'd be the only man on Earth Who could even stand Ted Cruz Oh yeah, you wouldn't loathe Ted Cruz Ted Cruz thinks somewhere there's a place for him But he's not of this world anymore... Somewhere in his White House playset Poor Ted Cruz sits staring at the wall A voice speaks in his head, and he obeys it He never fails to heed its call There are millions who know his name Everybody hates him Guess he's just not making himself clear... Ted Cruz is Ted Cruz crazy Just be glad it's him not you If you had Ted Cruz's ambitions, You might be Ted Cruz crazy too You'd stomp and scramble over folks Who have much more to lose And you'd be the only man on Earth Who didn't despise Ted Cruz Oh no, you wouldn't much like Ted Cruz.
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Obscene 02:53
Look at all the titties, from the huge to itty bitty, But they're all so very pretty, know what I mean? And it’s really quite a shocker that some prudish cockblockers Think that bosoms and knockers are obscene. They’re lovely and they’re awful fun to play with, Just treat them with politeness and aplomb, And here’s a thought you’re prob’ly not okay with, The first boobs you ever saw belonged to your mom. So if you see a lady feed her baby in a stadium Or shopping mall or park, don’t sweat a thing, It’s only someone doin’ something ord’nary and human And “obscene” is in your mind, not in the thing. Look at all the guys, you know, it’s awfully surprising How some are makin’ eyes at other dudes, They’re long and lean and lanky, and their tops are tight and tanky, And they’re hardly ever skanky or rude. They’re the same guys that women find attractive, So why wouldn’t other guys as well? But some people get overreactive, Like yelling that they’re all going to Hell. Leave ‘em be and they’ll respect you and their cooties won’t infect you They’d romantically reject you, sad but true. And they aren’t trying to shove it down your throat, it’s who they love, And “obscene” is what you think, not what they do. Some people think rock music’s from the Devil, They thought that about jazz and ragtime too, If you think that, I’ll tell you on the level -- The problem’s not the music but you. Look at all the guns, the ratio is more than one To one for every person in the USA. It’s said that they’re protection against crime or insurrection But it’s really an infection in our DNA Some people hunt for food, some find them thrilling, Some people feel secure when they’re at hand, But all they’re really good for is killing, At least you could admit that that’s the plan. So if you’re wearing camo and you’ve got the guns and ammo And you’re ready to survive off the grid, Remind yourself who’s died through mistakes or suicide, And “obscene” is guns are worth more than our kids.
6.
Once there was a way... To get your jollies Pay some Russian girls To pee on you Tweet, petty Donald, do not cry, And we will wink at Putin’s spy. Golden showers fill your eyes, Smile, the camera never lies, Tweet, petty Donald, do not cry, And on Ukraine give us a bye. Once there was a way... to fix elections. Now we only pay... for wiki... leaks. Sleeper agents in the FBI, And now your president’s our guy. Boy, you’re gonna carry that rep, Carry that rep a long time, Boy, you better launder that wig, She said, “me love you long time”, I never used Barack’s pillow. I only slept there by invitation, And in the middle of my masturbation, I break down Boy, you’re gonna carry that rep, Carry that rep a long time, Boy, you better give up this gig, You’re just a pig with high crimes Oh yeah! Alt-Right! Oh, we're gonna be livestreamed... tonight. And in the end, The crater you’ll make Is equal to the laws... You break.
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Alternative facts, alternative facts, The brand new description of lying by hacks, A public servant never redacts, We give them, alternative facts. If someone says something that might cause you grief, Then say something different, and lie through your teeth, Repeat it long enough and they’ll relax, Just give ‘em, alternative facts At first they’ll say you can't keep up this lying, There must be facts on which we can agree, But just go on gaslighting, they'll tire out and stop fighting, And then you can rewrite reality. The Press Secretary, the President too, Hey! Kellyanne says that’s what Presidents do, When they are in the mood to grind an axe, We’ll win with, alternative facts. It may drive all the mainstream media crazy When you discuss an actor, or crowd size, But taking such an action is a really great distraction To keep them from detecting bigger lies. The technique’s so simple, the data so vague, Our best chance to avoid getting locked in the Hague, Until then, we’ll just spew them to the max, Alterna, alternative facts.
9.
H-1000 04:44
North Korea’s got the bomb And Trump knows who to blame, The pantsuit anti-soccer mom, Hillary’s her name. Four years before she got the job, She made those nukes appear It took a special orange blob To make her evil clear For such a huge, horrific crime There’s just one way to explain She must have traveled back through time And she could do it again! Hillary’s a terminator There’s no threat that’s greater Hillary the terminator In the not-too-distant future, Skynet had the plan: Send back something to ensure Their conquest of man. She looks human, but inside Her heart is cold as stone, She makes friends commit suicide, And gets illegal loans. Her perfect scheme is oh so clear, So obvious to get -- We hold hearings on her every year, And we haven't found proof yet! that Hillary’s a terminator Alternative facts incriminate her Hillary the terminator So many evil plots that we’ve inves... ti... ga... ted, We’ve used the same excuses, said she’s im... pli... ca... ted, But she's still free, though her reputation’s repu... di... a... ted We’ll never quit, ‘cause otherwise we’ll be sub... ju... ga... ted! Call her Crooked Hillary, Never let that go, We know there’s something out there she Does not want us to know That child slavery pizza place Was only just the tip Of the iceberg of her disgrace, Someday she’ll make a slip Keep in mind her greatest crime, Seeking power while female -- Wait! Wasn’t this about Kim Jung-Un? To hell with that! HER EMAIL! HIllary the terminator Thank god for our orange dictator No, she wasn’t the best debator It’s okay to be a hater Of Hillary the terminator....
10.
Take A Knee 03:47
Take a knee for your brother, take a knee for your sister, Take a knee for your country, take a knee. It’s been goin’ on for years, in every city, state, and town Take a knee for your brother, take a knee So many live in fear of bein’ shot for bein’ brown Take a knee for your brother, take a knee The police protect each other, lyin’ ‘bout what just went down Take a knee for your brother, take a knee So stand up for your brother by droppin’ to the ground Take a knee for your brother, take a knee Take a knee for your brother, take a knee for your sister, Take a knee for your country, take a knee. How many more young sisters will we lose to the guns Take a knee for your sister, take a knee They call her a resistor, shoot her down and then she’s done Take a knee for your sister, take a knee They say that it’s the victim’s fault, if only they’d obeyed Take a knee for your sister, take a knee But it’s a hundred fifty years since Lincoln freed the slaves Take a knee for your sister, take a knee Take a knee for your brother, take a knee for your sister, Take a knee for your country, take a knee So now the people call attention, peaceful and profound, Take a knee for your brother, take a knee Instead of standing for the anthem, they drop to the ground Take a knee for your brother, take a knee This ain’t disrespecting veterans, the anthem or the flag Take a knee for your brother, take a knee It’s making you aware too many kids end up in bags Take a knee for your brother, take a knee Take a knee for your brother, take a knee for your sister, Take a knee for your country, take a knee Police are s'posed to help us, protect us, and to serve, Take a knee for your sister, take a knee But they treat us like the enemy, as if we’ve got some nerve Take a knee for your sister, take a knee So join the silent protest, join the ones who take a knee Take a knee for your sister, take a knee We love our country too much and we want it to be free Take a knee for your sister, take a knee Take a knee for your brother, take a knee for your sister, Take a knee for your country, take a knee Take a knee for your brother, take a knee for your sister, Take a knee for your country, take a knee Take a knee for your country, take a knee
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Automatic universal voter registration, Even though it fills the ruling class with trepidation, If you say it loud enough you just might save the nation, Automatic universal voter registration! The right wing likes to gerrymander everywhere they can, To guarantee their victory is what they truly plan. But if we were signed up to vote the day we turn eighteen, The biggest revolution that the world has ever seen! Oh, Automatic universal voter registration Then declare Election Day to be a free vacation. Then give everyone a week or three for rumination. Automatic universal voter registration! The number you already got, Social Security, Could both identify you and be your guarantee. The day you come of age you’re entered in the voting rolls, And suddenly the country hands the power to the proles! Oh, Automatic universal voter registration, Use computers and the cloud for quick verification, Have your voting bound to you and not to some location, Automatic universal voter registration! [Of course, a lot of people TALK a big game about expanding the vote, but the only votes they really want expanded are the votes FOR THEM, which is why they use IDs and poll taxes and written tests to actually suppress the vote.] [Indubitably.] Now, Hillary suggested it, but it don't rest on her – The right to vote for everyone is what we must ensure. So defend the Constitution, and let's keep voting free – [Um, excuse me? Yes? Does this mean letting minorities vote? Are you an active voter? Um, yeah. Well, then, you’re a minority yourself, right now. OH. Well, in that case, I guess it’s all right then.] Oh, Automatic universal voter registration, Early votes would drive FOX News insane from speculation, Exercise your civil right, then hoist up a libation – Automatic universal voter registration!
13.
The ones in charge are livin large, You might say they have a dream: They rule the world, but still want all the money, And no tactic’s too extreme. They don’t care for our people or laws, New outrages every day, And just so you know, there’s a brand new low -- They’re taking our words away. They make a big point of sayin’ this is just for Discussion of the budget for the fiscal year. But if they take one word, four words, seven words, What makes you think that they’re gonna stop here? Only allowed and approved information, Even if it happens to be false and wrong You think that chemistry, physics, biology, You think the whole world is gonna go along? The science doesn’t care, The universe doesn’t care, The government doesn’t care, Where do we go from there? Transgender fetus entitlement diversity vulnerable evidence- and science-based. Not letting us discuss reality, keeping us ignorant, in our place. Stay far away from the real agenda, cutting off our noses to spite their face. Transgender fetus entitlement diversity vulnerable evidence- and science-based. Takin’ our words away, Takin’ our words away, How long till there’s nothing left to say, Takin’ our words away. Denying science, ignoring evidence Won’t make an oil pipeline un-spill. Calling a fetus a baby doesn’t give it Any health care when the mom falls ill. Diversity just means people are different, The great American melting pot, Being transgender just means feeling in your Heart that you’re something they say you’re not. People moralize, See through fanatic’s eyes, Use God to bolster lies, Why are you so surprised? (transgender fetus entitlement diversity vulnerable evidence- and science-based) Takin’ our words away, Takin’ our words away, How long till there’s nothing left to say, Takin’ our words away. Takin’ our words away, Takin’ our words away, How long till there’s nothing left to say, Takin’ our words away. All of the masters have brought disaster, Listenin to the ravings of a crazy clown. They’re already rich, so they think they Deserve all the money that’s layin’ around. Entitlement sounds like somethin’ for nothin', But all you’re entitled to is tricklin’ down. They want to take We The People to the bathtub And hold us under until we drown. They tell you what to hate, They tell you who to fear, But I swear it’s not too late To sing out loud and clear. Transgender fetus entitlement diversity vulnerable evidence- and science-based, Not letting us discuss reality, don’t let the opposition make their case. Misogyny, bigotry, money, supremacy, all it’s gonna cost is the human race. Transgender fetus entitlement diversity vulnerable evidence- and science-based. Takin’ our words away, Takin’ our words away, How long till there’s nothing left to say, Takin’ our words away. Takin’ our words away, Takin’ our words away, Nothing left to say....
14.
So there’s an epidemic of fools Goin’ crazy and shootin’ up schools With weapons that would make Deadpool say “Whoa”. The president, congress, governors, mayors, Give a standard response: their thoughts and prayers, But ask ‘em to do something concrete, they’ll say “No”. “We defend the Second Amendment” they say, “It’s a darn shame your kids got blown away, But freedom’s the most important thing we've got.” Well, listen up, all you manly men, I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: We and our kids have the right to not get shot. Our kids are more important than your guns. Your bump stocks and your glocks don’t Trump our daughters and our sons, You love the Second Amendment, well, we love Number One, Our kids are more important than your guns Now, you keep yellin’ how you got the right To be ready for any kind of a fight, That the Second Amendment overrules other laws. “The right to bear arms shall not be infringed!” I hear that and I can’t help but cringe, Because you ignore the modifying clause. It says you’re supposed to regulate A militia to secure a free state, Which means two things that you’ve deliberately missed. It’s talking ‘bout muskets, not a machine Gun, certainly not an AR-15, And before you get the darn thing, you’re s’posed to enlist. Your guns aren’t more important than our kids, You’ve watched too many Steven Segal/Red Dawn/Rambo vids, You’re s’posed to be Americans, quit acting like the Huns, Our kids are more important than your guns. Now, some of you say you’re ready to fight Against our government, ‘cause they might Try taking over our country in its darkest hour. Seriously, if that’s your reason, Brother, you are talking treason, And, I hate to tell ya, but the government’s already in power. You forget we’ve always had the solution, A living, robust Constitution, Which keeps us from being fifty combat zones. And you cranks sayin’ “pry ‘em from our cold, dead hands”, You also forgot you have no chance At all against the army’s combat drones. And tanks. And air support. And tactical nukes. How’s that freeze dried 90-day emergency food supply taste now? So you’re gonna vote and bribe and lobby To protect the world’s most dangerous hobby In spite of the carnage in our streets and schools, You yell and froth and spit and spray, "You're trying to take our guns away!" But that’s a lie -- we just want to tweak the rules. You shouldn’t be able to buy at the store A weapon that was made for a war, Besides, what you gonna hunt with that thing, Jason or Freddy? A yearly test, to keep your skills current, Locked storage boxes, gun insurance, And if that don’t work... sign up and serve, already. Our kids are more important than your guns. D’you need that to go shopping for hot dogs, beer, and buns? We’re not yet discussing penis size, but we can go there, son, Our kids are more important than your guns. Our kids are more important than your guns. How come you need so many bullets? Barney Fife had one. Don’t carry ‘round your cowardice, be brave and face the sun, Our kids are more important than your guns. Our kids are more important than your guns.
15.
Broflakes 02:35
Broflakes, Boys who can’t take it are snowflakes Can’t even fake it for low stakes, Won’t let non-whites or girls win. Bigots, Sailing their manly-man frigates, Pouring their hate out of spigots, Proving they’re morons again. Anytime something’s not what they expect, They scream and they act like their childhood’s wrecked, They’re broflakes, They want a Pride Day parade, If someone Tries to do something, they want in, Denying the privilege they’re flauntin’, They don’t know why they can’t get laid. I wish they’d find some true peace of mind, They might not try to hate or to blame, I can’t understand what they lose as a man By accepting the different in a movie or game. Toxic, They need a kick in the coccyx, So call them out -- but no doxxing, No one needs that kind of fame. Insulting, That’s all they know of adulting, Think they should re-do the whole thing, But this time treat all folks the same. ‘Cause people are all just the same. ‘Cause people are all just the same. Diversity’s great, learn before it’s too late, No one made you a gatekeeper, give up your hate, People are all just the same!
16.
I'm sinking a hole where the swamp comes in, And stops the country from functioning As it should go.... I'm firing the cranks that run through the door, The door that keeps revolving, And there they go.... And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong -- I'm right! I've made us strong, I'm right! I'm never wrong. See the people standing there who disagree and never win And wonder why I seem to hate the poor. I'm building hotels and I'm laundering funds, While blaming Crooked Hillary For the shitshow.... And it really doesn't matter that Scott Pruitt rent Our whole environment Out to Big Oil. People try to make ends meet while I give tax breaks to Wall Street, I wonder why they don't fall in my hole. I'm taking the time for a number things That should win me a Nobel Prize, But they won't, though.... Sinking a hole where the swamp comes in, Stops the country from functioning As it should go....
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Why? 03:45
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Bad Faith 02:48
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Cortez 03:46
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released August 27, 2019

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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