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I'm a big fan of the comic strip Sheldon. The Feb. 2, 2009 strip went right to my professional address, and I really had no choice but to write this. Oh, and, the version on the album is the "Flaco Mix". But I wrote an alternate line, because the song's still funny even if you've never heard of Sheldon or Flaco.

lyrics

Everyone sings romantic songs,
You know what I'm speakin' of,
They all sound the same, because besides the girl's name,
The lines have to rhyme with "love".

That doesn't leave too many options
Half a dozen words tops, and they're gone,
So it thoroughly rocks that there's lint from your socks
But not the socks you've got on

Could it be "Shplove"?
(Yes it could, it's all right, it's all good)
Wonderful "shplove",
(Filling my heart, between my toes, good place to start)
I can write a song without mentioning the perfect skies above,
Because now, at last, I know... it could be "shplove".

There's "dove", which is pretty romantic,
"Like a hand in a glove", which is sweet,
There's "shove", only good for break-up songs,
And "foxglove", kind of a cheat.

More songs have been written about love
Than all other songs that there be,
After all this time, shouldn't more words rhyme,
Well, I guess that it's up to me.

Could it be "gruhve",
(The Grandpa noise made while picking up Grandson's toys)
Beautiful "thpruve",
(The grand display, your spit-take after tasting Ocean Spray)
So many possibilities to take advantage of,
It doesn't have to end here, it could be "shplove".

"Zuv", the single hair that grows back, messing up your tan,
"Cruhve", the dead corn muffin mix that's baked into the pan,
"Bluhve", what's left of truck tires that have shredded in the street.
Come on, songwriters, get to work, the world is at your feet.

Could it be "k'shkuhve",
(The sweet perfume of your new Klingon costume)
Beautiful "fthuhve",
(When you kill the boss on Level 12 with awesome sauce)
I've so many ways to sing to you how much we are in love...
Because now, at last, I know...
It could be "grduhve" (the macho smile you fake so no one knows you're hurt)
It could be "shmuhve" (the drop of chili that just ruined your new shirt)
It could be "kwuhve" (the guy in front of you standing up the whole concert)
It could be... shplove.

credits

from More Than FuMP: Songs of The FuMP, Vol. 2, released May 20, 2009

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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