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Arrivederci 2020

by Tom Smith

It happened on the street, It happened in the park, It happened in daylight, It happened in the dark. It happened in the yard, In somebody's home, We wouldn't know it happened At all without a phone The videos show it again and again, The beating and torture And killing of men Whose crime was being black In front of white police, Whose last words are some Variation of “Please, I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe.... They’re told, keep it down They’re told, show respect, They end up on the ground With a knee on their neck They’re walking, or shopping, Or staying inside, And all of that justified Homicide I can't breathe.... Emmett Till, Tanisha Anderson, Ezell Ford, Michael Brown, Dontre Hamilton, so many more Emantic Fitzgerald Bradford Jr, Phillando Castille, don’t you see what they're doin’ here, Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland, Ronald Madison, Tamir Rice, Botham Jean, we’re not close to done, John Crawford the Third, and Alton Sterling Walter Scott, Stephon Clark, and Akai Gurley, Sean Bell, Eric Garner, and Kendra James, Walter Scott, Breonna Taylor, so many names, George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, on and on, How many more lives’ll be *snap* gone? (reverse cymbal) They tried being nice, They tried being calm, They tried through the system, Got spat upon, They were told they were doing Their protests wrong, Is it any damn wonder It went off like a bomb? Now there's old men harrumphing With their videos and tweets, There's people on the barricades, There’s fire in the streets, They've tried to find justice, And the justice said no, It’s clawing at their throats And there's nowhere they can go There’s a knee on their necks And their backs’ against the wall, Will they have to die For this system to fall? So much anger and hate, are we gonna wait To hear their last gasp as they suffocate? I can't breathe
I am fatter than Donald Trump, Them is just the facts It bothers me when you say he's fat It ignores his other acts Fat people are made fun of They're looked down upon with spite But think of the fat folks that you know Aren't most of them a delight? They're friendly, laughing, jolly old mugs They take great pleasure and give great hugs So when you say “Donald Trump is fat”... Are you saying you think he's really like that? I am fatter than Donald Trump By a factor of one point three But I believe being fat is all He has in common with me I haven't desecrated a church Or consorted with Russian spies Or left our allies in the lurch Or told 19,000 lies I haven't gassed an innocent throng, Though last week’s burritos were pretty strong So when you say “Donald Trump is fat”... Are you saying you think I’ll act like that? Most everyone is differently sized to one degree or another But you still love them if they are your mother or sister or brother You wouldn't think of shaming them, you know how good they are, So is thinking the same of other fat folk really a step too far? I am fatter than Donald Trump, Most normal clothes don't fit, But if we both lost all that weight He’d still be a piece of shit, His badness doesn't come from fat Or wigs or orange skin, It comes from narcissistic greed, It comes from deep within. So look at folks with a gaze that's fresh, And remember fat is just extra flesh, You’ll see more than a pasty lump... And there are lots better reasons to hate... Donald... Trump!
I see it hasn't taken too long, To pass Korea and Vietnam It peaked and then it hit a plateau, And no one knows how far it will go. The president kept singing his song, And everything he told us was wrong, In spite of everything that he said, There's a hundred thousand dead. He left the testing up to the states, He left the people up to their fates, His followers aren't up to the task Of putting on a stupid cloth mask He said “we'll open up the country, But who's responsible? It's not me” That blood is on his hands and his head From a hundred thousand dead. Republicans protecting The businesses from having to take The steps to make their jobs safe No matter what the president does The country cannot be what it was Our families and friends are laid low And no one knows how far it will go....
Billion dollar Trumpy, Goes through all his cash like feces through a weasel, Hearing ‘bout it makes me sicker than if I had measles, Billion dollar Trumpy, Telling everyone he’s richer than Croesus, But more like the moneylenders booted out by Jesus. Every year from nineteen eighty five to ninety- Four, he lost a hundred mill Paid no taxes, ‘cause he made no money, so how Come the marks think he’s so brill? (Spoken: Note that the actual meaning of “brill” is “a type of European flatfish”. I think that works here.) Billion dollar Trumpy, Living in a penthouse, with a golden toilet, If he shakes your hand, count all your fingers and then boil it Billion dollar Trumpy, Selling steaks and vodka, spring water and vino, Faked a university, bankrupted four casinos -- He goes Tweeting nightly in the bathroom while the Morning Joe is on the air. Tear gassing the public, threatening elections, No Republican will care. Billiion dollar Trumpy, Shillin’ Donald Trumpy, Villain Donald Trumpy, Reptilian Donald Trumpy.
Hush now, my sweetling, lay down your head, Look at the mobile that’s over your bed, Hush, little darling, there as you lie, Alien monsters come down from the sky. It’s not decoration, it’s not a toy, Cyborg invaders are here to destroy, Your Lego and Star Wars stuff’s blasted to goo, But your bear will protect -- oh, they got the bear too. You picked a bad time to be born in this place, You couldn’t have known of invaders from space, They bring devastation, disaster, and doom, Who knows why they started right here in your room? Faster and louder and darker they hum, And there is no escaping their wrath as they come. Intergalactic things ruin your rest, Still, between climate and covid, this might be best. Their mothership spins like a great fiery wheel, The Air Force can’t stop them, the Avengers aren’t real, Closer and closer it comes down to you, There’s nowhere to go, and nothing to do.... The earth is a cinder, they stole you, and you’re To be raised as a killer... or eaten -- not sure. Your pod hatch is closing, in cryo you’ll keep, Revere your new hive lords, and now time for sleep
Out in the cold Scottish castle of Hogwarts, I fell in love with a Gryffindor girl. Nighttime would find me in Rosemerta’s tavern, Butterbeer flowed until Ginny would hurl. Greener than green were the eyes of young Potter, Everyone mentions them ten times per tale, Ron eats a lot and Hermione’s bushy, Hagrid is stupid and Malfoy is pale. Every cliche you can think of is here, Oh, look, it’s Severus Snape, Greasy and sneering and dour and obnoxious, And Batman wishes he wore such a cape. Here’s next chapter -- Now Harry and Draco are secretly lovers, So are McGonagall and Argus Filch. Ron and Hermione fight and then make up, Does Dobby get laid? Nope, nada, zip, zilch. Transformers, Avengers, or My Little Pony, Writers of fanfic somehow make it work, Two hundred thousand word mashups with X-Men, Harry’s Patronus looks like Captain Kirk. So many versions of how goblins act, And ways to be late for class, Theories of time travel, how to kill horcruxes, But Bane the centaur is always an ass. And we’re told how Cornelius Fudge is admired by Umbridge, There goes a pairing I could do without. The Goblet of Fire exists for one reason, Taking your tickets then spitting one out. Snape is a bad guy, no, good guy, no, bad guy, Lockhart is always a fool, Men can get pregnant and harems are common, I was told this is a junior high school. Not accredited -- I have read fanfic for over a decade, And I have seen every trope in the game. Dumbledore’s evil or noble or crazy, Death Eaters, Stormtroopers, one and the same, Out here in the west Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with the Potterverse fics, But as I ride with my hands on my tablet, I’ve got no signal -- that’s life in the sticks.
One day while I was walking under a waning moon, I met a Japanese dog that looked like a raccoon, Except that his, erm, junk, looked like a couple huge balloons. Tanuki was his name, or maybe Bake-Danuki. He was looking at me funny — I said, "What you want with me?" He said, "You look lonely — I represent e-harmony." He said, "You’re out here walking under a waning moon, You’re obviously in need of some intimate companionship soon." I said, "I’m just getting takeout — pork fried rice & crab rangoon." Just then a pretty lady, well, she just happened by, She looked me up and down, I could tell I was her kinda guy. She had a bag of takeout (snfff) — tom ka gha & shrimp pad thai. She sat down beside me, on this big convenient log, Said, "We could share our takeout in this lovely romantic fog. But I gotta know — what’s with the balls on your dog?" I said, "He’s not my doggo — he’s just standing where I’m at, He said he works for e-harmony, wanted to get me in a chat. Working for an online dating service — guess you need big balls for that." Three years later, we’re married, and that raccoon dog’s still around, And he’s still got huge testes, that crazy trash panda hound. Takes him two days to lick himself — and you don’t wanna hear the sound. (to the tune of "Shipoopi" by Meredith Wilson) Tanuki, tanuki, tanuki, The dog with massive balls. Tanuki, tanuki, tanuki It must hurt when he falls.
I’m watching these three guys debate, about our next four years, Wondering who might end the hate, give hope, and quell our fears, But one can't get a word in edgewise saying what he'd do, One hapless moderator, and one monkey flingin’ poo. Will you just shut up, Donald, please just go away, There's nothing you can do and there's nothing you can say To make us think you might turn presidential any day, Look, just shut up, man, Donald, go away. When the moderator asks a question, trying to get a fact, Don keeps on interrupting, and his answer don't mean jack. Then they try to switch to Biden, but, just like he does with laws, Don fills the skies with endless lies and keeps flapping his jaws. Will you just shut up, Donald, please just go away, There's nothing you can do and there's nothing you can say If you can't keep to the rules, we don't have to let you play, Look, just shut up, man, Donald, go away. Now you may not believe it, but some people want to hear What policies you’re planning to pursue, But all we got tonight was crazy screaming in our ear, And all you want to talk about is you. Two hundred thousand dead, and twenty million unemployed Just might be something that you could discuss, But like responsibility, you keep trying to avoid The fact that we don't work for you -- you Work. For. Us. You said you’d make us great again, but never told us how, And I don't think you have an answer for us even now, But I must say, I think that your debating style is flawed, So get out of the White House so we can jail your ass for fraud. Will you just shut up, Donald, please just go away, We’re trying to bring back truth and justice and the American way. And history will look back on you with loathing and dismay, Look, just shut up, man, Donald -- Will you just shut up, Donald, please just go away, You make the country uglier with every passing day, You keep trying to divide us, but United we will stay, Look, just shut up, man, Donald, go away. Will you shut up, man? Donald, go away.
Pumpkin King 03:33
Oh, better far that I should die Here in the graveyard where I lie Than play a violent, snarky part With a severed head and a ripped-out heart. Away with the awful slasher flicks, Where worn-out monsters have worn-out shticks. No, I'll be true to the song I sing, And live (... ehh...) and die... a pumpkin king! For... I… Am the Pumpkin King! And it is, it is a glorious thing to be the Pumpkin King! I am the Pumpkin King! (He is! Hurrah for the pumpkin King!) My Santa Claus try was foolish, and I shall be the Pumpkin King! (He is! Hurrah for the Pumpkin King, hurrah for the Pumpkin King!) When my Sally comes to watch me dance I assume a proudly spooky stance. I evoke a few more screams, it’s true, As an undead monarch ought to do. But many a king, if he’d celebrate, Must follow the dictates of his fate, And I might scare every girl and boy, But it’s all in fun, and they scream... with... joy! For... I… Am the Pumpkin King! (He is! Too right! for the Pumpkin King!) And it is, it is a “spoopy” thing to be the Pumpkin King! I am the Pumpkin King! (It's that whole... y'know... being dead thing) Bring around my hearse! I’ve one more verse to sing as Pumpkin King! (He is! Bonzai for the Pumpkin King, Kawaii! for the Pumpkin King!) (He is my waifu!) (notice me, sempai!) That child who waits in the pumpkin patch, For presents from my secret stash Will soon find out, to his shock and fear, That his blue blanket’s not that sincere. I’ve got some tricks that aren't so nice For purveyors of all things pumpkin spice. And stores whose Christmas stuff’s on display Will learn to wait till after... my... day! For... I… Am the Pumpkin King! (Yeah yeah, blah blah for the Pumpkin King) Christmas had its run, Halloween’s more fun when you're the Pumpkin King! I am the Pumpkin King! (Random cheers) And I’m keeping my eye on Thanksgiving since I’m the Pumpkin King! (He is! [gobble gobble] for the Pumpkin King, hurrah! for the Pumpkin... King!)
Now here's a little ditty that it fell to me to tell, Forgive us if we're looking rather vexed - We’re gathered here today to say "Hurray!" and then “Farewell“; And so we're just a tiny bit perplexed... You're leaving, so we had to throw a party, We're celebrating you going away, Now several hundred miles will fall between you and our smiles. Break out the favors and the Chardonnay! There are so many reasons that we'll wish you were around, But if you’re leaving anyway, we're gonna party down. Don't let our general merriment make you rush out of town You're leaving forever, huzzah! Now, don't think that we haven't thought of all the things you do, Your diligent devotion to detail, We're gathered here to say goodbye and give our thanks to you, So write If you get work or thrown in jail! You're leaving, so we'll have a celebration, Ecstatically, we'll see you to the door, We'll be raisin' a libation as you hasten 'cross the nation, We bought you stuff, 'cause who knows what's in store? Our gladness is amazin', not a one is feeling low -- We’re putting a brave face on, 'cause we don‘t want you to go.... If you've got to move away, we're putting on a show, You're leaving forever -- - No one's going to be the wiser, dibs on your desk organizer -- - who knows how to work the phone? | can‘t get a frickin DlAL TONE -- - Can you tell? Have you heard? WHAT THE HELL WAS HER PASSWORD? You’re leaving forever -- huzzah!
Well, she was an entertainer, Come from Portugal, not Spain-a, And her neck she'd always strain-a, From those baskets on her head. Now she does a ghostly rhumba Up on Space Station Number Three -- Where on the ship is Carmen Miranda? Straight through Customs she can hurdle, With a grapefruit in her girdle, And her coconut milk won't curdle 'Cause it's fresh from the undead. She's sassy and she's curvy, And she'll save the crew from scurvy, Tell me -- Where on the ship is Carmen Miranda? She tangos with mangoes, Fandangos with tangelos, Lychee and Kiwi, Bananas, star fruit! Well, she's tangy, sweet, and juicy, "Babaloo"s like Ricky and Lucy, Every night she lets the crew see through her, Singing them to bed. We’ve gone from a boring station To a Brazilian vacation, Tell me -- Where on the ship is Carmen Miranda? Why is she a spectre? Could no one protect her From Hannibal Lecter, Where were Sam and Dean? Oom oom POW, shikka shikka Oom oom POW, shikka shikka Oom oom POW, shikka shikka DEAD BUT STILL KIND OF ALIVE! Well, we don't know why we got her, Coulda been Horse Tamer's Daughter, Or a Lamb gone to the Slaughter, Or don't push that button, Fred. But she's wild and she's pleasin', And I want more of her fresh squeezin', Tell me -- Where on the ship is Carmen Miranda? Where on the ship is Carmen Miranda?
Scrambled eggs, Maybe lager that's been kept in kegs, I guess that's the question that it begs, What have I got that goes with eggs? Marmalade, On the English muffin I just made, And I'll wash it down with Gatorade, Eggs scrambled, not shirred or souffleed. White cheese had too low Annato, it just looked grey, I shred something strong, Now I long for curds and whey. Scrambled eggs, And the coffee's down to bitter dregs, Without caffeine I can't feel my legs, I'll just make do with scrambled eggs. I’d like Benedict, Nicely poached with Hollandaise. But I don’t know the trick, Got it wrong, it smelled for days. I can’t cook eggs, All attempts are like Egyptian plagues, Future efforts I hereby reneg, Oh, IHop, please make scrambled eggs.
Christmas Time in Middle Earth is not an actual thing. No child born in a manger grew up to be Christ the King. The closest thing is hobbits getting shnockered every Yule, And if you decorate an Ent, they’ll pound you into gruel. Christmas time in Westeros is very much the same. If you don’t like that, George R.R. Martin is to blame. Christmas time in Narnia is symbolic, girls and boys, Aslan died, then returned to rule the Isle of Misfit Toys. District 12 does not have Christmas, only Hunger Games, The Doctor celebrates by fighting aliens ‘cross the Thames. Christmas time with Hannibal, you really should avoid -- He decks the tree with the guts of those by whom he is annoyed. Christmas Time in Arendelle has deep, eternal snow, Elsa didn’t get a gift and just can’t let it go. Harry Potter does have Christmas, so does Peter Pan, But Christmas with the Walking Dead is not in the network’s plan. I wish you Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday. I wanted to have new themed songs, but that is not the Way. Not every realm of fantasy deserves a Christmas song, Just say “Happy Life Day” to recall what can go wrong.
You’ve been calling the corona virus... a hoax all year Told everybody not to wear a mask... not to live in fear Since then two hundred thousand gone... you won't take the blame and now you tell us that you’ve got it, too... oh what a shame Please get well, Mister President, This is not the way for you to go, This virus is so nasty, it takes you so darn fast, we’d (rather) have the justice system take you slow Please get well, Don and Melania, Also thinking good thoughts for Mike Pence. We want you strong and healthy when all your evil wealthy Cronies start turning state’s evidence Any other president would get... the nation’s sympathy But you’ve told us so many lies... we're gonna have to wait and see Have you gone into quarantine... the infection for to stop, Or are you trying to bail on the debates... ‘cause you can't help going Way the hell over the top Please get well, Mister President, I sincerely don't want you to be sick. Despite the evil I’m seeing, you’re still a human being, And no matter how hard I try, I can't be that much of a dick. Please get well, because we need you, You’ve shown us the Republicans’ true face, It’s longer and it's harder, but we don’t want you a martyr, We’d prefer you get imprisoned in disgrace. Sure you’ve grabbed the headlines for today, I bet that's really fun. Meanwhile, don't think that we’ve forgotten everything you’ve done: The first debate, where you were like an abusive raging drunk, Telling lies about the Bidens that have been debunked. You called our veterans losers and suckers ‘cause they served, And keep implying shot protesters got what they deserved, You blamed the fires of California on the people there, When most are on the federal lands that should be in your care. You keep on saying vote-by mail is somehow rife with fraud, You say the covid scientists use research that is flawed, You even ragged on Biden ‘cause he always wears a mask Though Biden doesn't have the bug that's knocked you on your ass. The New York Times got your returns and everything looks funny, You pay so little tax because your businesses lose money, You’re ramming through a Supreme Court justice, that takes lots of cheek, And that's just all the stuff I could remember from this week. You came out of quarantine... a smile upon your face Saved by hydroxychloroquine... doctors said you were the perfect case Now it's time to open up the country... schools, sports and malls, no fuss Gotta work on that herd mentality... after all, a Business making money’s more important than us Please get well, Mister President, You have to get over this plague, There's a dream I hope to get, you in an oubliette, Somewhere in the basement of the Hague. Please get well, Mister President, Imagine those nice headlines when you choose To uphold our tradition... of a peaceful transition Of power to Joe Biden when you lose. Please get well, Mister President, I can't wait to see your face when you lose.
If times were normal, now’s the time for lots of different folks To stun, surprise, and victimize their friends with silly jokes. But normal times are in the past, and some traditions do not last, And “fun” is not what I call all these pokes. No April Fools, At least, not this year. There's been too much, it's been too hard, For mean and mocking cheer. A squirting flower, a dribble glass, Whoopie cushion under someone's ass. Remind me what we’re trying to do right here. I’ve never been a fan of playing pranks upon a friend, Too much humiliation and resentment when they end, I’d rather share a laugh or three, even if the laugh’s on me, And right now there's no prank I could defend. No April Fools, No point that I can see. I can't yell “Gotcha”, watch you smile, We’re not in proximity. What humor is there in being cruel? That's not the point of April Fool, So let’s just call it off and let it be. You know how I love comedy, it's half of my career. And if I could, I’d sing to every one of you right here. I’d use every tongue twister, I’d break out every pun, And give each of you a big hug when I’m done. If times were normal, we could gather like we used to do. But times aren't normal, so we’ll hunker down and see it through. And as we look back on the past, we see some customs should not last, Let's make a new tradition, me and you. No April Fools, No need to play a trick. We do not need to celebrate The right to be a dick. I’d rather celebrate my friends, And just wait till this crisis ends, I’ll tell you all in person “I love you”... But till that time, this song will have to do.
Donald Trump took my land, Made it someplace I can't stand, But I thought, I’m still free, You can't take the sky from me. Then some California twits Revealed their unborn’s naughty bits Had a real fireworks spree, Burned down every frickin’ tree. Firefighters risk their lives, Children, elders, husbands, wives, Have to flee their property... What if the kid’s non-binary? Washington and Oregon, Over four million acres gone, Where blue skies once met the sea, Trump’s complexion is all I see.... Lost my love, lost my land, Lost the last place I could stand... Trump says rake between each tree, But no funding shall you see... Trump, he took the sky from me.
See that raft of flightless birds, (Raft’s the word for penguin herds) They know the music, not the words, But brother, they can dance! First they get up on a floe, Floe’s a word for ice, you know? Watch them waddle, start the show, And strike the proper stance! (VOGUE) Flap your flippers, stomp your feet, Eat some fish and keep the beat! Nothing else is such a treat, The Penguin Pasta Polka! They love macaroni, dude, It’s become the favorite food Of the average penguin brood, Especially with prawn. How they know’s a mystery, Penguins aren’t from Italy, Must’ve seen it on TV And bought from Amazon. Flap your flippers, stomp your feet, Don’t care if there’s snow or sleet, You can do it! Ain’t it sweet? The Penguin Pasta Polka! Other noodles do as well, Rigatoni, pappardelle, Or a big conchiglie shell, With garlic, salt, and oil. Cannelloni, thick with cheese, Fettuccine, shrimp, and peas, Don’t forget the salad, please, While sketti’s on the boil. Flap your flippers, stomp your feet, It’s dinner time, so take a seat, Clean up after, keep it neat, The Penguin Pasta Polka! After dishes all are done, Dance again! May I have one? So much food and so much fun, And penguins by the score. They’re so glad that you came by, Though they’re flightless, they must fly, But tomorrow please stop by -- We’ll do it all some more! Flap your flippers, stomp your feet, Back here on the same ice sheet, It’ll make your life complete, The Penguin Pasta Polka! Flap your flippers, stomp your feet, Eat some fish and keep the beat! Nothing else is such a treat, The Penguin Pasta Polka!
What song is everybody covering? It’s “Agatha All Along”! What song do all the MCU fans sing? It’s “Agatha All Along”! It’s ubiquitous, I’m so sick of this, Catchy and so quick this little Ditty is, Ditty is, Ditty ditty ditty ditty.... Epic trailer or mandolin, A cappella, hip hop, folk song, Even opera, Freakin’ opera, Of “Agatha All Along”! She was born long ago and far away, And her magic is very strong. Wanda’s kinda her protege, But Wanda might not go along. She’s a classic witch, she is Steeped in 60s kitch, she is And there’s no way you’ve missed what a Bitch she is, Bitch she is, Bitchy bitchy bitchy bitchy.... Can the Vision ever set things right, Or can Monica come on strong, Against Agatha, Creepy Agatha, Guess we might as well sing her song. Who’s been messing up everything? It’s been Agatha all along. Who’s been pulling every evil string? It’s been Agatha all along. She’s insidious, So perfidious, That you haven’t even noticed And the pity is (The pity is) Pity, pity, pity, pity It’s too late to fix anything Now that everything has gone wrong Thanks to Agatha, Naughty Agatha, It’s been Agatha all along! ... And I killed Sparky too!
We’ve got two different versions of reality, And both sides think they're the one that’s right. But one side wants to help, and the other wants to hurt, And I know the one for which I’m gonna fight. I’ve got so many friends who have been targeted, Just for trying to live just how they are, It’s gone on far too long, it's ignorant and wrong, But now I think our side may go too far. I’m not giving up, not backing down, I’m not letting the bad guys take over my town But also I’m not willing to let hatred take my heart, There’s too much killing, some want civil war to start, But we can show them all this hatred is wrong, Show them that together we’re strong. No one said “make friends with Nazis”, No one said “transphobes are great”, Our neighbors, family and friends Have been manipulated for others’ ends, And I’m so damn tired of carrying all this hate. Your dad who listens to Hannity and Limbaugh, Your mom who watches Fox News every night, Your brother who’s been told that kids are bought and sold, They've been lied to till they don't know what's right. I’m not giving up, not backing away, I’ll look evil in the face and tell it, “Not today”, But also I’m not willing to abandon all those fooled By years of propaganda from those by whom we’re ruled. This division has gone on far too long. We can show them together we’re strong. You want to give up on them? Well, here, I’ve got a list, If someone wants you dead, just walk away. The ones who are pissed because you exist, They don't deserve to know you anyway. But you’ve got some people who still know how to love, Some neighbors who help out when things get rough. To offer them a third chance is foolish and absurd, But one second chance just might be enough. The rotten people running things have gotten what they want, We’re at each other's throats, no end in sight, But now’s the time to say we’re no longer gonna play, We want to get back to doing what's right. You can't convince a fascist or an incel, Misogyny and racism are still there, But you can fight back, stay on the proper track, And also find the lost ones who still care. I’m not giving up, I’m not backing down, I’m not suffering the evil in which my country's drowned, But also I'm not willing to hate like the fools in the fight, The ones who’ve let themselves be the tools of the right. We don't have to forgive them, so stand up and condemn, We’ll show them that together we're stronger than them. I’m not giving up, I’m not backing down, I’m never gonna stop pulling our country back around, But also I’m not willing to hate for one more hour, I’m not going to give the evil bastards that much power. And I’ll give one more chance to the throng Of people who were lied to for so long. To remember what's right and what is wrong, To remember that together we’re strong.
I tried to write a song that would sum up 2020. But I could not decide -- should it be serious or funny? On the one hand, 350,000 Americans died; On the other, we got through four years of Trump, made it out the other side. We lost Ginsberg, Boseman, Connery, Lewis, Trebek, Rigg, and Von Sydow, I still haven't seen Wonder Woman, Love and Monsters, or Black Widow. Evangelicals keep on freaking out about gay spouses, But Chef Andres keeps on feeding people, Jimmy Carter still builds houses. 2020 was a banner year, and the banner should be torn down. Every day was made more difficult ‘cause our President’s a clown. As soon as we got used to one thing, another would take its place, And what is so damn political about covering up your face? Do you remember when and why we impeached the president? It seems so very long ago, we’ve forgotten what it meant. Meanwhile a pandemic threatened all the human race, But you can stop it: wash your hands, and wear a mask, don't touch your freakin Face it, half the country has been fooled by the elite -- The real ones, out in Washington, not coastal, not effete -- They don't believe in science, they think covid is a hoax But they’ll find out the real world doesn't care about their memes and jokes.... 2020 was a landmark year, and the landmark is Chernobyl. Every day, two stupid hurtful things for every one that was noble. Environmental justice and Black Lives Matter both went global -- Why do our representatives stay silent and immobile? 2020 was the year we all found out Some of us don’t care if some others died We all suffered through depression, angst, and doubt, And politicians lied and lied and lied. 2020 just kept coming, Like an angry, roaring, evil steaming train, But people stepping up still kept us humming, And we’ve still got a big damn swamp to drain. And now, instead of our tradition of a peaceful power transition, Republicans’ new mission is electoral sedition. Our laws and customs and unity have constantly been sullied, McConnell won’t give people money, says he won't be bullied. But still so many people trying to help their fellow man, To do what must be done, to do most anything we can. We’ve got some new vaccines, experimental treatments too, We’ve got to hang together, we can make things better if we do. 2020 beat us up and kicked us in the street. We still can’t go to movies, concerts, sports, or out to eat, We’ve all lost friends and family, and we couldn't even mourn, But now the old year's reached its end, and a new one’s being born. 2021 is yet unwritten, chapter, verse, We all hope it’ll be better, but we know it could be worse. But I believe we all can make it through, So ends this 2020 overview, With a wish for better days for me and you, And, 2020? Don't call us, we'll call you.


A little musical Tom Capsule, celebrating -- if that is the correct word -- the horrific yet goofy era known as C.E. 2020. Some political songs, some depressing, some inspiring, some silly, a few downright insane. Note: a few of these were remastered (I've got better tools these days), and so may sound different from the original tracks, if you bought those.

Oh! If you could do me a solid: because I tweaked most of the tracks, and then balanced them off each other to make the album, they are no longer listed on your various fan collections. Sorry about that. If you still like 'em, though, I'd be obliged if you could add the new versions. Many thanks!


released August 28, 2021

all words by tom smith
all music by tom smith except:

"100,000 years" by Gene Simmons & Paul Stanley
"Billion Dollar Babies"
by Alice Cooper, Michael Bruce, and Reggie Vinson
"El Paso" by Marty Robbins
"O Better Far To Live And Die" by Sir Arthur Sullivan
"Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?"
by Sean Altman and David Yazbek
"Yesterday" by John Lennon & Paul McCartney
"Serenity (the ballad of Firefly)" by Joss Whedon
"Agatha All Along"
by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez

parodied under the Fair Use provisions of
17 U.S. Code § 107. The original owners of the music
retain all rights. No challenge to copyright is intended,
nor should any such challenge be construed.

thanks to Anne Schneider, Leslie Larkins, Ron Elliott,
Ross Anderson, Barret Hansen, Peter Eng, Janice Campbell, Adam Selzer, everybody at OVFF, WindyCon, and DragonCon, my supporters on Patreon, and all my friends and fans on Facebook. I couldn't do it without you.

Special technical thanks to Kenny Gioia, iZotope, and everybody at PG Music.




Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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