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by Tom Smith



After this year, the only humor I have left is black.

Truth is, I've wanted to record this for a long time, but I couldn't remember the lyrics. So, many thanks to Eli Goldberg, who got me a copy of Julia Ecklar singing this, oh, thirty years or so ago.


I know a place that you should visit, you may find it grand.
If you need a little help, we're sure to lend a hand.
If you want a slight vacation, I think you will want to stay.
For a quite unique diversion, come on down to play.

Come on down to the mortuary, we’ll take you in a jif.
We can play our favorite game, pin the tail on the stiff.
We can all play blind man's bluff, I think that you will find
That it's so much more fun to play when everyone is blind.

Come on down to the mortuary, it's a nice place to rest.
We aren't so particular, but you should wear your best.
We offer rides in limousines and drives through flowered parks,
And though our rooms aren't very large, they're always cool and dark.

Come on down to the mortuary, the finest place to die.
We will treat you graciously from the moment you arrive.
There's no need for an appointment, stop in any time of day --
But when you stop by for a visit, be prepared to stay.


released December 6, 2020
Words and Music: Dennis Drew




Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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