Sins of Commission

by Tom Smith

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about

One of the coolest gifts you can get for someone is their very own song. Tom's been writing gift songs for awhile now, and the big trick has been to personalize them and make them good songs that anyone can enjoy. Now you can judge the results for yourself, with a full dozen rare and never-heard-before tracks, as well as the slightly remastered "A Dragon's Lullaby". Some silly, some sweet, many romantic. Oh, and "The Very Secret Diary of Dark Wolf", which is just plain goofy.

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released March 17, 2006

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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Track Name: Come Be My Love Forever
Come be my love forever, and live our lives combined,
Like roses on the trellis, all our fantasies entwined.

Well, I roved out one morning and in full-dress garb I went
A-southward in Ohio for an SCA event
I waited at the roadside, intent to share a ride
My roommate Neil arranged it for us after my car died.
Up comes a blue Maverick and what there should I see,
A lovely Spanish lady offering a ride to me.

Come be my love forever, and live our lives combined,
Like roses on the trellis, all our fantasies entwined.

We traveled and we chatted and we smiled and we shared
The things we both loved coincided the more that we compared
So when we got to that event I knew I'd found a friend,
And as she walked away I knew I couldn't let this end.
A few weeks later I revealed what was in my heart,
And since that day the two of us have never been apart.

Come be my love forever, and live our lives combined,
Like roses on the trellis, all our fantasies entwined.

And so, for twenty years now, our paths have been the same,
Since I knelt before the roses and asked you to share my name,
Our Monica and Gwyneth, our friends and family,
Our songs and dreams and fantasies are everything to me.
And, so my darling Barbara, I promise that it's true,
that everything good in my life is there because of you.

Come be my love forever, and live our lives combined,
Like roses on the trellis, all our fantasies entwined.
Track Name: Creatures of the Night
You can find her in the deli at the local Kroger store,
Grilling chicken till she's sure she's going to cluck,
You can find him shlepping packages and parcels door to door,
Smiling, friendly, in his big brown truck.

But that's only in the daylight, for when the sun goes down,
Their transformation's startling and bizarre,
She puts on fancy chainmail, he dons an evening gown,
And they go to where the other LARPers are.

They're part of Shadows of Medieval Nocturne South: The Masquerade,
She's the Queen of all the Raccoons, he's just trying to get laid,
And they only take their fleshy forms until the morning light...
But until then... they're creatures of the night.

The lady and her monster, they met so long ago,
And how it was they fell in love, well, no one seems to know,
But he is her defender, there's no risk he wouldn't take...
In two levels, she gets minions, and he finally get a break.

Their worlds are vast and terrifying, lovely and obscene,
With creatures, plants, and colors mundane folk have never seen,
Wind-up kingdoms, vampire robots, steampunk flapper goths,
Though they really haven't gotten over the Chibi Yog-Sothoth.

They're in the Wildlands Divided By The Dreamscape Of The Kings,
And they're trying to find a real quest, they're sick and tired of rings.
They're feared through all dimensions, and they're looking for a fight...
And they only feel real when they're creatures of the night.

They've faced the prince of demons, and the tentacled dragon horde,
Got drunk with Odin, goosed Cthulhu, tuned the Singing Sword,
Fought a stuffed-bear ninja army, led by schoolgirls doing ballet,
And they're proudest of the time they ripped off Donald Trump's toupee.

You can find them in the daylight, but that's not what they prefer,
For the moment that the sun goes down, they're more than what they were,
The triumphs of a hundred worlds are at their fingertips,
And a thousand secret smiles they share, a-dancing on their lips.

They are in Final Neo Mega Gamma Ultra Tokyo,
And if you told them, pick one genre, then they'd tell you where to go,
The two of them together have a love that's strong and bright...
And they wrap it in their fantasies, as creatures of the night.
Track Name: A Dragon's Lullaby
Hush now, my baby, the daylight is done,
Your scales catching moonlight instead of the sun,
So lay down your head, till the dawn comes anew,
For here there be dragons to watch over you.

Dream now, my baby, of life in the clouds,
Your head held so high and your wings spread so proud,
For I know a secret I promise is true,
Here there be dragons, and one of them's you.

Twelve years, I Grant, was a long time to wait,
But I knew you'd get here, I knew it was fate,
But sometimes a dragon takes longer to birth,
Because, to create them, it takes the whole earth.

Within you the fires of Africa glow,
The East Asian winds, Scandinavian snow,
The mountains, the forests, the rivers, the skies,
The whole of creation is there in your eyes.

Hush now, my baby, and dream how you will,
You have your whole life for your dreams to fulfill,
And don't be afraid of the things you dream of,
For here there be dragons, below and above,
You're a dragon, you're life...
You're a dragon, you're love.
Track Name: Felis Draco
This... cannot be.
Not... you, not me.

Dragon soul, lion heart,
In control, torn apart,
Icy blue, deepest green
Me and you, naught between....

Every day, death is near,
Don't betray any fear
Who can say? Who can hear?
Who's the prey iisn't clear.

I tighten round you till you shout,
I catch your pulse between my jaws,
I feel the trembling down your spine,
I pin you down beneath my paws,
I dread the day they find us out,
I hold your gaze and we both see,
How did I live till you were mine,
How deeply you belong to me.

Why can I not strike you down?
Why is your touch so profound?
How I savor every sound,
In your eyes I swear I'll drown.

Dragon heart, lion soul,
Found our start, lost control.
No one knows, no one sees
One of those mysteries....

Every day, how we fight
Can't betray what's at night
Me and you, all unseen,
Icy blue, deepest green....

Me and you....
Naught between....

This....
Cannot be....
Track Name: Kitsune and the Master of Zen
Kitsune stood upon the road, her tail full and high,
By there come a Wanderer, a grain sack at his thigh.
"Why do you sit there, lady fair, all in your fur of red?
By Chan, tomorrow dawn I swear I'll have your maidenhead."

Oh, bide, lady, bide, there's nowhere you can hide,
For you've met the Buddha on the road and he will have your pride.

"Away, away, you Wanderer, from far across the sea,
You only think you master Zen, you shall not master me.
I'd rather lie in oceans cold, a-weighted down with rocks,
And so I say, by Danny Kaye, you'll never outfox the Fox."

Oh, bide, lady, bide, there's nowhere you can hide,
For you've met the Buddha on the road and he will have your pride.

So Kitsune, she put up her hand, and swore upon the sun,
That he'd not have her maidenhead by the time the day was done.
And the Wanderer, he put up his head, and swore by Benzaiten,
That he would have her maidenhead, then have it once again.

Oh, bide, lady, bide, there's nowhere you can hide,
For you've met the Buddha on the road and he will have your pride.

So Kitsune, she became a fox, with feral teeth and claws,
But he's become a hunting hound, and trapped her in his jaws.
And, Kitsune, she's become a bird, a-flying on the wind,
But he's become a summer breeze and blew her back again.

Oh, bide, lady, bide, there's nowhere you can hide,
For you've met the Buddha on the road and he will have your pride.

And Kitsune, she's become a stone, and on the ground she set,
But he's become a river, and she's covered, deep and wet.
And Kitsune, she's become a tree, with strong limbs to and fro,
But he's become an axeman, and his tool has laid her low.

Oh, bide, lady, bide, there's nowhere you can hide,
For you've met the Buddha on the road and he will have your pride.

And Kitsune became a Scia scabbard, gleaming, black and gilt,
But he's become a katana, sheathed inside her to the hilt.
And she realized, to her chagrin, the limits of her lore,
So she reached out to her faerie kin for choices more and more.

Oh, bide, lady, bide, there's nowhere you can hide,
For you've met the Buddha on the road and he will have your pride.

And Kitsune changed into a satyr, with fleece all thick and black,
But he's become a bottle of wine, and had her on her back.
And Kitsune became a fairie dragon, color, scales, and fire,
But he's become a lava bed, to stoke her ever higher.

Oh, bide, lady, bide, there's nowhere you can hide,
For you've met the Buddha on the road and he will have your pride.

And the Wanderer chased her all the day, and into the night so late,
And every change Kitsune made, the wanderer was its mate.

Oh, bide, lady, bide, there's nowhere you can hide,
For you've met the Buddha on the road and he will have your pride.

The the lady stopped and turned and said, "The game I will concede,
For none would chase me for so long for simple, foolish need.
And none has ever sought for me with a passion like your own,
If you promise that you'll love me, you'll never be alone."

Oh, bide, lady, bide, there's nowhere you can hide,
For you've met the Buddha on the road and he will have your pride.

And the Wanderer said, "There's never been a prize more worth the race,
But I must admit I'm glad we've stopped, I can't keep up this pace."
And Kitsune and her Wanderer have traveled far and wide,
For she met the Buddha on the road, and both of them swallowed their pride.
Track Name: Mary Kelly (Radio Edit)
Oooh! Rock me, Mary Kelly!
Oooh! Rock me, Mary Kelly!
Oooh! Rock me, Mary Kelly!
Oooh!

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-Planned Parenthood, Parenthood
Su-Su-Su-Su-Su-Su-San Diego, San Diego
Nu-nu-nu-nu-nu-Nurse Practitioner, titioner
Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-O.B./G.Y.N., G.Y.N.

1984 - Mary Kelly joins Planned Parenthood as a Family Planning Assistant.
1986 - Mary is promoted to Administrative Assistant.
1988 - Mary becomes the personal Administrative Assistant to CEO Mark Salo.
That same year, Mary begins nursing school.
1991 - Mary becomes a Nurse Practitioner for Planned Parenthood Mira Mesa.
1994 - Mary's homebaked cookies are declared a Vital National Resource.
1996 - Mary goes back to school for the obstetrics component of her training.
Also that year, she begins OB and clinician float.
1998 - Mary is named Director of Medical Management for Planned Parenthood San Diego.
2002 - No one challenges Mary to Silver Screen Trivial Pursuit anymore.
2005 - Mary is named Senior Director of Medical Management.
On October 28 of that year, her friends and coworkers gather so they can....
ROCK YOU MARY KELLY!
RO-RO-ROCK YOU MARY KELLY!

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Twenty years ago she joined Planned Parenthood
Because she wanted to use her powers for good
When somebody's sick and you want 'em well, be
A smart operator, bring 'em here to Mary Kelly

Was a secretary to the C.E.O.,
Found movin' up the ladder was the way to go,
Went to nursing school and worked like hell, she
Became a Nurse Practitioner, that's Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

She's an advocate for reproductive rights
She's been cool under pressure in a hundred fights
If the women's rights movement is a long dark alley,
Then the one you want watchin' your back is Mary Kelly.

If you've got a contraceptive emergency
Mary brought ECP to the community
Doin' everything she can to keep women healthy,
Ain't nothing that's impossible for our Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Listenin' to Bon Jovi and Stevie Nicks,
Can't wait for Halloween to check out her new tricks
And she still has time to bake and to can her own jelly
She's our own Martha Stewart, that's our little Mary Kelly.

She's the role model for everybody here
And we only hope we'll do as well in twenty years
Better keep in touch, both you and and your dog Callie
'Cause we'll never forget you, and we love you, Mary Kelly!

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

We're so proud of all the moves you're makin',
Something smells good, Mary must be bakin',
Country music makes her head start achin',
Ahh, ahh, yeah.

Mary Kelly, God, we're gonna miss you,
Everybody's gonna hug and kiss you,
Jeez, I'm bawling, please give me a tissue,
Ahh, ahh, yeah.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly --
Mary Kelly.
Track Name: The Melody Is You
I remember the days back in Hartford, Vermont,
Who could've guessed then everything that I'd want
Would be playing with me in the high school marching band?
I said something silly, the look on your face,
The way you fell into your instrument case,
Well, I thought those were vivid, until I first held your hand.

And then suddenly all of the music became less clear,
Because suddenly you were the only song I could hear.

White River and Queechee sent us on our way
Together we went, and together we stay,
No school could teach me what I already knew.
Your eyes are my chorus, your smile is my verse,
Your kisses the grace notes I love to rehearse,
My life is a song, and the melody is you.

Through Arkansas, New York, and New Hampshire, we did roam,
Till finally East Lansing found us, and we found home.

And all that we've done since we ended that search,
The pottery co-op, the garden, the church,
And best of all, Tammy and Katie, our dreams come true.
And forty years later, you're still got your charms,
And nothing feels greater than being in your arms,
My life is a song, and the melody's always you.

Sometimes all the notes aren't as smooth as can be,
But we always come back to that sweet harmony,
My life is a song, and the melody is you.
Track Name: Old Time Movie Romance
We open on a street in Redondo Beach,
Where the palm trees go,
Follow it to Redondo High School,
That's the very best place to go.
To meet some high school boys and girls,
And by some circumstance,
That's where Tom met Sandy
For an old-time movie romance.

Now, a close-up shot of Tom's penetrating eyes,
and his look of slow surprise,
Cut to sandy as she glances away
Then looks back with deep green eyes,
Some witty banter, friendly and light,
Then one of 'em takes the chance
And asks, "Would you like to go out tonight?"
It's an old-time movie romance.

Dissolve to her driving her rental car,
Then she knocks on his hotel room door.
There she stands in jeans and a sweater,
And he stares like he's never seen a woman before.

They have dinner at P.F. Chang's,
Savoring every bite.
Neither one can believe how good they feel
With the one they're with tonight
Then face to the Pride cruise ship
For one last slow dance,
And after, they cling together, just like
An old-time movie romance.

Now, a montage at Seattle,
Los Alamitos and more.
Then one day, she says, "Marry me",
And he answers, "What we been waiting for?"

And an aerial shot of Newport Harbor,
Surrounded by all their friends,
Siblings, children, and the rest of the gang,
And when the ceremony ends,
They fall into each other's arms,
One kiss and they're both entranced,
And that's how it ends, they're lovers and friends,
In their old-time movie romance.

Happily ever after
In their old-time movie romance.

Roll the credits, and never forget it's
An old-time movie romance.

Starring Tom and Sandy in...
An old-time movie romance.
Track Name: Piratical Love
It's a weary old existence,
And the cold gets in yer bones,
Livin' under Jolly Roger
And over Davy Jones.
When the stormy winds o' Dayton
Are cuttin' through and through
It's nice ta know there's somethin'
Worth lookin' forward to.

It's a hard and lonely life out there
Upon the Seven Seas,
But it's easier with a mate to share
In all your miseries.
When everything looks blackest,
I need only hear her say,
"... Guess what?"
To brighten up me day!

And it's Hey me boys and it's Arrr me lasses,
Here's to our delight,
Workin' every mornin,
And cookin' every night,
Pour the grog and raise our glasses
While we're singin' of
Matt and Mindy,
In Piratical Love.

There ain't no wench that's fairer
And she brightens up the skies
With the auburn in her hair
And the green in her eyes.
She's handy with a deck o' cards,
wins every game she plays,
And sayin' that she knows the ropes
Ain't just a turn o' phrase.




And it's Hey me boys and it's Arrr me lasses,
Here's to our delight,
Workin' every mornin,
And cookin' every night,
Pour the grog and raise our glasses
While we're singin' of
Matt and Mindy,
In Piratical Love.

When we go to The Branding Iron
To get a bite to eat,
They bring a barrel o' Margueritas
And twenty pounds of meat.
We get the finest Mexican food,
We get tiramisu,
And when she wears them clothes from Vogue,
We get a heck of a view.

And it's Hey me boys and it's Arrr me lasses,
Here's to our delight,
Drinkin coffee' every mornin,
Laughin' every night,
Pour the grog and raise our glasses
While we're singin' of
Matt and Mindy,
In Piratical Love.

We sail through the thunder,
The lightning and the rain.
We pillage and we plunder
Across the Spanish Main.
Okay, we cruise 146,
But I don't feel put upon
When we cuddle on the sofa
While America's Test Kitchen's on.

And so we sail together,
Just my sweetheart and me
While she sings beautiful songs
For our posterity.
I know some days Inovene
Is where she needs to be,
But when I really need here,
I know where she will be.

And all you lads and lasses
Who sail the ocean blue,
I know your day is comin',
I know you'll get your due.
But keep your pearls and diamonds,
And keep your jewels and wealth.
My treasure is my Mindy,
So keep your hands to yourself.

And it's Hey me boys and it's Arrr me lasses,
Here's to our delight,
Goin' ta work' every mornin,
And cuddlin' every night,
Pour the grog and raise our glasses
While we're singin' of
Matt and Mindy,
In Piratical Love.
Matt and Mindy,
In Piratical Love.
Track Name: Slow Dance
It was at Redondo High School, they met at a football game,
She was fourteen, he was fifteen, didn't know each other's name,
How can two young hearts already know that, even if they stray,
It won't be very long until they meet again someday?

And so they slow dance, with his arm around her waist,
Slow dance, this should not be done in haste,
When the music ends, they part as friends, but for now their song is done,
There are other partners waiting, and the dance has just begun.

The years went by so quickly, as the years will often do,
Till the moment seemed to come at last to make their dreams come true,
But the moment, it had slipped away, and then for twenty years,
They found themselves in separate lives, with families and careers.

And so the slow dance spins them 'round across the floor,
Slow dance, but they both want something more,
'Cause when what you feel is only real while Frank Sinatra sings,
You can't help but hope that someone might be waiting in the wings.

Some say one partner's much like another,
Anyone can learn to dance slow,
But when you're cheek to cheek, it's not your technique
That makes them not want to let go.

It was at Redondo High School, they were looking for old friends,
And I'm pretty sure that you can tell just how the story ends.
For with everything that's happened, it isn't all that strange,
What they felt thirty years ago had never really changed.

And now they slow dance, just the way they used to do,
Slow dance, and their dreams have all come true,
Now the evening's done, two hearts are one, should've known it from the start...
It's the one you dance with last that wins your heart.
Track Name: The Very Secret Diary of Dark Wolf
Dear Diary: Today my adventures begin.
My first character is reasonably strong, tough, and quick, although not as smart as I think he should be.
And he's the prettiest. No matter WHAT Legolas says.

When I was a young lad, I learned life was a game,
But if I was to play it, I had to have a name,
I knew enough to realize I did not know myself,
So I became an exiled warrior king who loved a hottie elf.

I was Aragorn,
Mighty Aragorn,
Doing mighty deeds, not waiting 'round for thanks,
Lonely and forlorn,
Between two worlds torn,
Poster child for self-deprecating angst.

Dear Diary: Day thirty-one. Still not king.
Arwen not returning my calls -- something about "that time of the Age".
Legolas keeps looking at my butt.
Let me get back to you on that.

I brooded and fought monsters, fought monsters while I'd brood,
I'd brood and fight and fight and brood and brood until I spewed,
I'd gotten tired of wandering alone out in the sticks,
So I became a tragic figure sure to score with chicks.

I was Faramir,
Noble Faramir,
Ever striving to achieve something more,
And it's very clear
I've reached manhood here,
Sneaking glances at the girl that I adore.

Dear Diary: Brother dead. Father dead.
City in flames. Beaten to hell by orcs.
My roommate is a gurrrrl.
Her uncle's dead, her boyfriend is in love with somebody else, she was beaten to hell by Nazgul.
But she doesn't think I suck.
Go me!

As time went on, I realized that something wasn't right,
I'd rather win with skill and wit than have to win a fight,
I programmed Perls of wisdom, a lot of chess I'd play,
And learned to cook the Hobbit style, at least six meals a day.

I was Bilbo,
Clever Bilbo,
Helping Thorin to become the dwarven King,
I should chill, though,
'Cause as thrills go,
Whacking spiders has kinda lost its Sting.

Dear Diary: Still no call from Arwen, but got a ring from Gollum.
He wanted to play a Riddle Game. I said I don't have any rulebooks for Harry Potter.
He went ape -- said something about running away to join the Serkis.
Must fly -- the Erebor Protection Agency has just issued a Smaug alert.

I got some satisfaction and won some great reward,
But still saw too much action, when can I drop this sword?
I read my techie manuals, got formulas, and so,
I added magic powers, and stuff up with which to blow.

I was Gandalf,
Wizard Gandalf,
With explosives when swords and spells lost the day,
And no man'd scoff
When I handed off
Thorin's quest to Bilbo, and got out of the way.

Dear Diary: Led Fellowship across blizzard-bound mountains, figured out way into Moria, was point man in smelly underground dungeons against thirty thousand orcs, fought Balrog, fell into darkness.
Must sharpen delegation skills.
At least now I've got time to get this robe laundered.

With every name I've taken, each persona that I've used,
The only thing I've gotten is more and more confused,
It hasn't worked with ranger, warrior, thief, or wiz,
So how else can I find myself? I know! An online quiz!

Each and every fanboy starts to dance and sing
To the Who Am I In Tolkien Polka,
All without exception, put on your One Ring
To the Who Am I In Tolkien Polka.
"Minas Tirith" means you spent your only Tirith twice,
Sing the Who Am I In Tolkien Polka,
And "Bombadil" is blowing up a jar of pickling spice,
Sing the Who Am I In Tolkien Polka.

The Hobbit and the Big Three, The Silmarillion,
Have clues that I've perused on Wikipedia,
I'll check off my reaction to twenty different quotes,
It says that I'm suited best to be Aunt Lobelia,
Aunt Lobelia?
Aunt Lobelia?
AUNT LOBELIA!?

I'm Aunt Lobelia,
I'm Aunt Lobelia,
I'm Aunt Lobelia --

Dear Diary: Never, EVER mix Buckleberry schnapps and Entwash again.

I've tried to live my life just like the heroes I revered,
But there was always something missing, no matter which way I steered,
I couldn't fill the spaces labeled "hobbit", "king", or "elf",
'Cause everything within me fit completely as myself.

When I was a young lad, I learned life was a game,
And finally I know I don't need someone else's name,
And it ain't the winning but the playing that makes it all worthwhile
Though my +9 Mace of In Your Face makes sure I play in style.

I am Dark Wolf,
I am Dark Wolf,
On LiveJournal, that's Darkwolf Sixty-Nine,
Or just "Dark Wolf",
That's spelled "Dark Wolf",
Which is easier to say than "shadowed lupine".

I am Jason,
Sometimes Dark Wolf,
And the bad guys cringe and cower at the sound,
Of the Dark Wolf,
Yes, the Dark Wolf,
But Jason Klueber is the greatest name I've found.
And my wife says he's the greatest guy around.

Dear Diary: Well, today is my eleventy-nineteenth birthday.
Lovely wife, beautiful kids, great friends, in my prime.
Still not king.
But, ah, Legolas? Still the prettiest.
Track Name: Worth the Wait
When it was we met, I don't recall,
I'm not sure we even spoke at all,
But then, by golly, sci-fi club at Worchester Poly,
Started something, and it wasn't small.

Every moment that we shared was great,
Even though back then we didn't date,
It took awhile, but every time I saw you smile
I knew it would be worth the wait.

Off to grad school you'd be movin' on,
Though it hurt, I helped you move along,
Then you grew distant, something happened and I missed it,
Wondering what I was doing wrong.

Figured out what made you hesitate,
Our best friend was who you'd rather date,
Thankful that mystery solved but didn't end our history,
I knew it would be worth the wait.

(Worth the wait)
I didn't want to scare you away
(Worth the wait)
You're more important than I can say
(Worth the wait)
I'll be waiting for you every day,
Just so you know I'll always be here for you.

Time went on, 'cause that's what time will do,
I hoped your life hadn't gone askew,
And then you phoned me, Philadelphia was so lonely,
You missed me as much as I missed you.

Come November, traveled state to state,
Wondering, hoping it was not too late,
Up in your dorm, your eyes and arms so soft and warm,
We found out it was worth the wait.

(Worth the wait)
The dreams and fantasies that we share
(Worth the wait)
Gaming adventures beyond compare
(Worth the wait)
Mean so much more because you're there,
Just so you know I'll always be here for you.

So to Massachusetts you've returned.
And if nothing else we've surely learned
Just how much you needed someone who would touch you,
And how much I've needed what I've earned.

Ever since then, how our love has grown,
Even when I'm not there, you're not alone,
Just like I told you, I'll always be back to hold you,
My love, my darling, my Kate....
Every time it's still worth the wait.
Track Name: Y.U.R.T. (Your Un-Resolved [Sexual] Tension)
She was a djinni from Alaska, at least that's what I'm told,
Beautiful with magic powers, and silk pajamas which were very cold,
He was a Ferrett from the midwest, a techie kinda guy,
They met online, and within moments the fur began to fly.

There was something in his manner that set her teeth to clench,
Something in her attitude that made him call her "wench",
Just one wrong word and virtually they'd start to yell and shove,
Is it any wonder after four years they were both in like?
What? She was married! What kinda guy do you think he is? Jeez....

It was...
Your unresolved sexual tension, folks would say
They were each with other people, they lived an eighth of a world away,
Going ballistic over details of the Star Wars trilogy
Was just a substitution for a love that couldn't be.

One day their conversation turned more personal than most,
The love he'd known was all but gone, he'd given up the ghost,
With trembling hands, she e-mailed back, "My heart's been broken too,
I'll let you lean on me if you could let me lean on you."

What followed was a phone call flurry like you've never seen,
The djinni and the furry, sweet, romantic, and obscene,
It took a year to calm them down, and then he said to her,
"I'll move up to Alaska, I've already got the fur."

It was...
your unresolved sexual tension, I've been told,
Why else would a Ferrett move four thousand miles to the cold?
We all know what people do for love, but Gini and Ferrett prove
There's no motivation like frustration to make things really move.

You know it couldn't be that easy, not everything goes right,
Sometimes their clashing temperments would keep them up all night.
Remember that the nights up there are nearly six months long,
But don't despair, I promise there's a happy ending to this song.

The rough spots have been all smoothed out, they're happy as can be,
She soon will take the bar exam after she's got her law degree,
He's a writer and a journalist, and takes care of the house,
And they nauseate their friends by gushing how great is their spouse.

They love her teenaged daughters, they love their LJ folk,
They go to every film they can, they laugh at every kind of joke,
But sometimes they lock the door, she smiles at him, he smiles at her,
Then she dons the silk pajamas, and he puts on the fur.

'Cause they...
Resolved their sexual tension, ever since they tied the knot,
That region of Alaska has been really getting hot,
There may be snow, the wind may blow, but they don't even care,
As long as they've got each other, every day is bright and fair.
And the nights, beyond compare.

Now, you'd think that if this song should end, that'd be the perfect place,
But like the Augustine volcano, it's blown up in my face,
That gorgeous Arctic wilderness of tundra, snow and wind,
Has long since been abandoned for the wilds of... CLEVELAND.

It didn't really matter, long as they were arm in arm,
But they both admit it's kinda nice to occasionally be warm.
They knew that north Ohio was the place they had to be,
So they loaded up their sled and moved to Cuyahoga County.

Ohio Valley, that is... Geauga Lake... pro football... The Velvet Tango Room....

Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks,
Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks,
Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks,
Cleveland rocks, Cleveland rocks....