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Mary Kelly (Radio Edit)

from Sins of Commission by Tom Smith

/

about

Mary Kelly is the former Senior Director of Medical Management (the highest clinical post) for the San Diego office of Planned Parenthood. This was commissioned by her staff for her farewell party.

lyrics

Oooh! Rock me, Mary Kelly!
Oooh! Rock me, Mary Kelly!
Oooh! Rock me, Mary Kelly!
Oooh!

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-Planned Parenthood, Parenthood
Su-Su-Su-Su-Su-Su-San Diego, San Diego
Nu-nu-nu-nu-nu-Nurse Practitioner, titioner
Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-O.B./G.Y.N., G.Y.N.

1984 - Mary Kelly joins Planned Parenthood as a Family Planning Assistant.
1986 - Mary is promoted to Administrative Assistant.
1988 - Mary becomes the personal Administrative Assistant to CEO Mark Salo.
That same year, Mary begins nursing school.
1991 - Mary becomes a Nurse Practitioner for Planned Parenthood Mira Mesa.
1994 - Mary's homebaked cookies are declared a Vital National Resource.
1996 - Mary goes back to school for the obstetrics component of her training.
Also that year, she begins OB and clinician float.
1998 - Mary is named Director of Medical Management for Planned Parenthood San Diego.
2002 - No one challenges Mary to Silver Screen Trivial Pursuit anymore.
2005 - Mary is named Senior Director of Medical Management.
On October 28 of that year, her friends and coworkers gather so they can....
ROCK YOU MARY KELLY!
RO-RO-ROCK YOU MARY KELLY!

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Twenty years ago she joined Planned Parenthood
Because she wanted to use her powers for good
When somebody's sick and you want 'em well, be
A smart operator, bring 'em here to Mary Kelly

Was a secretary to the C.E.O.,
Found movin' up the ladder was the way to go,
Went to nursing school and worked like hell, she
Became a Nurse Practitioner, that's Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

She's an advocate for reproductive rights
She's been cool under pressure in a hundred fights
If the women's rights movement is a long dark alley,
Then the one you want watchin' your back is Mary Kelly.

If you've got a contraceptive emergency
Mary brought ECP to the community
Doin' everything she can to keep women healthy,
Ain't nothing that's impossible for our Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Listenin' to Bon Jovi and Stevie Nicks,
Can't wait for Halloween to check out her new tricks
And she still has time to bake and to can her own jelly
She's our own Martha Stewart, that's our little Mary Kelly.

She's the role model for everybody here
And we only hope we'll do as well in twenty years
Better keep in touch, both you and and your dog Callie
'Cause we'll never forget you, and we love you, Mary Kelly!

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

We're so proud of all the moves you're makin',
Something smells good, Mary must be bakin',
Country music makes her head start achin',
Ahh, ahh, yeah.

Mary Kelly, God, we're gonna miss you,
Everybody's gonna hug and kiss you,
Jeez, I'm bawling, please give me a tissue,
Ahh, ahh, yeah.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Oh, oh, Mary Kelly.

Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly,
Mary Kelly, Mary Kelly --
Mary Kelly.

credits

from Sins of Commission, released March 17, 2006
Music: "Rock Me Amadeus" by R. Bolland, F. Bolland and Falco

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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