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We Don't Talk About Torgo

from We Don't Talk About Torgo by Tom Smith

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Sooo, Jonah and the Bots (on the Satellite of Love) revisit their worst nightmare, to the music of Encanto. Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo....

Oh! And the original song's tempo is 103 bpm, but this is 107 bpm. Just sounded a little tighter.

lyrics

Jonah: hey, Crow? Servo?
Crow: yeah, Jonah?
J: I’ve been reading old ship’s logs, looking for something to maybe exploit and get us out of here, and... I keep coming across references to something named “Torgo”.
*gasp*
J: Is that an app, or a security protocol, or...?

Tom: We don't talk about Torgo, no, no, no!
C: We don't talk about Torgo... but
Dr. Clayton Forrester
T: And henchman TV’s Frank
C: Sent up an experiment, a home movie made by some guy
T: Amateur filmmaking guy
C: His car breaks down, near this lodge far from town --
T: Torgo!
C: I think his knees were CGI
T: low-rent Mister Tumnus, the faun
C: Torgo says that they should go,
T: the Master wouldn't approve
C: but the guy just tells him no
T: White privilege, he just won't move
C: Torgo lets him stay, and so
T: he’s the worst valet... but anyway

We don't talk about Torgo, no, no, no!
We don't talk about Torgo!

Gypsy: All throughout the set, Torgo’s stuttering or stumbling
S’posed to be a threat, but just muttering and mumbling
I associate him with the sound of pants being ripped, fft-fft-fft
Staggers in the wife's room, stalking, grumbling,
Reaches for her clothes, with his fingers fumbling,
She couldn’t get away, ‘cause she couldn’t break his grip --
What a stupid script!

T: The Master demands
His harem all believes,
He’s got two big hands
Of fate upon his sleeves,
Yeah, he serves Manos,
But I’d prefer Thanos!

We don't talk about Torgo, no, no, no!
We don't talk about Torgo

G: The guy let his dog outside,
The next day: dead! (No, no!)
C: Tried to fix his car at night,
Made it worse instead... (no, no!)
T: The Master has six wives in white with a stripe of red (no, no!)
Your fate is sealed, ‘cause this flick’s stuck in your head!

G: Torgo told the Master the wife of the guy had been promised to him, took a stand,
The Master waved for an hour or so, and then later blew off Torgo’s hand.

T: Oh yeah, Manos wins today

C: The six wives got in a cat fight, and argued, all ‘about whether... they needed another
It's like I hear them now
T: Was this... the reason the film was made?
C: Calling each other skank and cow
G: This makes sense, how?

J: Um, Torgo...
Yeah, about that Torgo...
I really need to know about Torgo...
Gimme the truth and the whole truth, Torgo

G: Heads up, Jonah, the movie's here!

J, C, T: MOVIE SIGN!

The master demands (Dr. Clayton Forrester)(All around the set, Torgo's)
His harem believes (Sent up an experiment)(stuttering and stumbling)
He has two big hands (A home movie made by some guy (S'posed to be a threat)
Of fate upon his sleeves (but just muttering and mumbling)
Yeah, he serves Manos (His car breaks down) (I associate him with the)
But I'd prefer Thanos (near this lodge far from town) (sound of pants being --)

We don't talk about Torgo, no!
J: Why did I talk about Torgo?
We don't talk about Torgo!
J: I never should've brought up Torgo!

credits

from We Don't Talk About Torgo, released May 6, 2022
Music: "We Don't Talk About Bruno" by Lin-Manuel Miranda
Includes quotes from "Love Theme From MST3K" by Joel Hodgson and Charlie Erickson
and "Torgo's Theme" by Russ Huddleston and Robert Smith Jr.

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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