Our Kids Are More Important Than Your Guns

by Tom Smith

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This wanted to be a protest singalong. It wanted to be an angry song. It wanted to be a satirical song from the point of view of a gun owner ("Our guns are more important than your kids"). It wanted to be a lot of things. What it became was this.

lyrics

So there’s an epidemic of fools
Goin’ crazy and shootin’ up schools
With weapons that would make Deadpool say “Whoa”.
The president, congress, governors, mayors,
Give a standard response: their thoughts and prayers,
But ask ‘em to do something concrete, they’ll say “No”.

“We defend the Second Amendment” they say,
“It’s a darn shame your kids got blown away,
But freedom’s the most important thing we've got.”
Well, listen up, all you manly men,
I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again:
We and our kids have the right to not get shot.

Our kids are more important than your guns.
Your bump stocks and your glocks don’t Trump our daughters and our sons,
You love the Second Amendment, well, we love Number One,
Our kids are more important than your guns

Now, you keep yellin’ how you got the right
To be ready for any kind of a fight,
That the Second Amendment overrules other laws.
“The right to bear arms shall not be infringed!”
I hear that and I can’t help but cringe,
Because you ignore the modifying clause.

It says you’re supposed to regulate
A militia to secure a free state,
Which means two things that you’ve deliberately missed.
It’s talking ‘bout muskets, not a machine
Gun, certainly not an AR-15,
And before you get the darn thing, you’re s’posed to enlist.

Your guns aren’t more important than our kids,
You’ve watched too many Steven Segal/Red Dawn/Rambo vids,
You’re s’posed to be Americans, quit acting like the Huns,
Our kids are more important than your guns.

Now, some of you say you’re ready to fight
Against our government, ‘cause they might
Try taking over our country in its darkest hour.
Seriously, if that’s your reason,
Brother, you are talking treason,
And, I hate to tell ya, but the government’s already in power.

You forget we’ve always had the solution,
A living, robust Constitution,
Which keeps us from being fifty combat zones.
And you cranks sayin’ “pry ‘em from our cold, dead hands”,
You also forgot you have no chance
At all against the army’s combat drones.
And tanks.
And air support.
And tactical nukes.
How’s that freeze dried 90-day emergency food supply taste now?

So you’re gonna vote and bribe and lobby
To protect the world’s most dangerous hobby
In spite of the carnage in our streets and schools,
You yell and froth and spit and spray,
"You're trying to take our guns away!"
But that’s a lie -- we just want to tweak the rules.

You shouldn’t be able to buy at the store
A weapon that was made for a war,
Besides, what you gonna hunt with that thing, Jason or Freddy?
A yearly test, to keep your skills current,
Locked storage boxes, gun insurance,
And if that don’t work... sign up and serve, already.

Our kids are more important than your guns.
D’you need that to go shopping for hot dogs, beer, and buns?
We’re not yet discussing penis size, but we can go there, son,
Our kids are more important than your guns.

Our kids are more important than your guns.
How come you need so many bullets? Barney Fife had one.
Don’t carry ‘round your cowardice, be brave and face the sun,
Our kids are more important than your guns.
Our kids are more important than your guns.

credits

released April 19, 2018
(Image of Emma Gonzalez nicked from recode.net -- copyright Getty Images, used without permission)

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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