by Tom Smith



I'll have to go back a bit to nail the thought process that got me here, but I'd been thinking of doing a parody of "Boat Drinks" by Jimmy Buffett for awhile, about right-wing "snowflakes". The newest iteration of gaming & fannish jerks, ragging on the wonderful Kelly Marie Tran and her character Rose Tico in Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi, was the final push.


Boys who can’t take it are snowflakes
Can’t even fake it for low stakes,
Won’t let non-whites or girls win.

Sailing their manly-man frigates,
Pouring their hate out of spigots,
Proving they’re morons again.

Anytime something’s not what they expect,
They scream and they act like their childhood’s wrecked,

They’re broflakes,
They want a Pride Day parade,
If someone
Tries to do something, they want in,
Denying the privilege they’re flauntin’,
They don’t know why they can’t get laid.

I wish they’d find some true peace of mind,
They might not try to hate or to blame,
I can’t understand what they lose as a man
By accepting the different in a movie or game.

They need a kick in the coccyx,
So call them out -- but no doxxing,
No one needs that kind of fame.

That’s all they know of adulting,
Think they should re-do the whole thing,
But this time treat all folks the same.
‘Cause people are all just the same.
‘Cause people are all just the same.

Diversity’s great, learn before it’s too late,
No one made you a gatekeeper, give up your hate,
People are all just the same!


released July 24, 2018
Music: "Boat Drinks" by Jimmy Buffett




Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

contact / help

Contact Tom Smith

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code