Name: A Problem Like McConnell
Duration: P00H03M19S
Description: Ohhh, Mitch. You ol' hound dog, you. And that's about the nicest thing I can think of to say about him.

A Problem Like McConnell

from We Don't Talk About Torgo by Tom Smith

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about

Ohhh, Mitch. You ol' hound dog, you. And that's about the nicest thing I can think of to say about him.

lyrics

He stands up and he clears his throat,
We know which way he’ll go,
Whatever we have asked of him,
The answer’s always “No”,
And underneath his wattle
All his words are malapropos,
I even heard him gloating in the Senate.

He always sounds so soothing,
But his obstruction’s real,
He always sounds like he’s sincere,
As if he can actually feel,
Don't bother to negotiate,
He’ll never close the deal,
He’s shut down all the business in the Senate.

I’d like to say a word on his behalf,
McConnell’s old and daft!

How do you solve a problem like McConnell?
How do you catch a liar and pin him down?
How do you find a word that means McConnell?
A contrarian! A hypocrite! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him,
Many a thing he wouldn't understand,
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say
How do you tell the jerk to go pound sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like McConnell?
Who only cares about the Republican brand!

I know he’s sposed to be
A political prodigy
But I always know exactly what he’ll say.

Predictable as lunch,
Always playing ever hunch,
If it’ll keep him in charge another day.

And any legislation
Designed to help our nation
Gets thrown out his door as fast as it can hurtle,

He’s determined to be known
As the power behind the throne.
He’s a racist! He’s a liar! He’s a turtle.

How do you solve a problem like McConnell?
How is the nation’s business to proceed?
His desk is covered in bills he won't consider,
He only thinks in terms of power and greed.

Many a thing you know you’d like to tell him,
Many involving gestures with your hand,
But he’ll never repent his sins,
All he cares is that he wins,
No matter what the damage to our land.

Oh, how do you solve a problem like McConnell?
Make sure the Senate isn't under his command!

credits

from We Don't Talk About Torgo, track released August 6, 2021
Music: "Maria" by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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