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Pizza Lovin' Squirrels

from FREE! The 24 Hour Project by Tom Smith

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Keywords: pizza, squirrels; style: blues.

lyrics

Deliverin' pizza
Late one night
I got a call
But somethin' wasn't right
Didn't want pepperoni
Mushrooms or cheese
They wanted pine nuts, acorns,
And other stuff from trees!

I thought "vegetarian extremists,
Or prank-playing sorority girls"
But I never expected
Some pizza-lovin' squirrels.

Address was all wooded
Only one person home
Sweet little old lady
Who hadn't used the phone
She was in between dentures
Lactose gave her cramps
I turned to go and saw the pizza
Carried off by two scamps

Musta tapped into the wires,
Decided to give that 'phone call' thing a whirl,
But how'd they sound like David Spade,
Those pizza-lovin' squirrels.

So what could I do?
I chased 'em up the tree
They got to the high part
And laughed down at me
I Said "I'm gonna cut down
Every tree in this yard",
They looked at each other, then one handed
Me a MasterCard.

Now they're some o' my best customers,
I love the way their tails curl
Every time I say "Nuts to you",
Those fine pizza-lovin' squirrels.

credits

from FREE! The 24 Hour Project, released May 14, 2022

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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