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Wait In Line

from Holy Crap, A New Album by Tom Smith

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about

This was written for MarCon, a joyous and wonderful experience in every way, except if you're a pre-registered attendee who's arrived before, say, 7:00 p.m. Friday. It's definitely dedicated to anyone at any convention greater than 1,500 people -- especially the monsters, San Diego Comic Con, DragonCon, GenCon, the various Pax conventions,SXSW, local Comic Cons -- where they tell you how EASY it will be to pre-reg.

lyrics

Every single year, I pre-register to go to the Con,
I'm thinking I'll save some time and a little bit of money, too,
I snuck out early and pissed off my boss,
Driving on the freeway loop I got real lost,
Now everyone in this room says, "Hey, I was here ahead of you."

Everybody open a book, everybody wait in line,
Now you pay the real price for buying ahead of time.
Everybody run for supplies, everybody run to the john,
Everyone will wait all night to get in the Con.

Trapped in a corridor with a Wookiee and a Klingon sideshow,
Somewhere near the Seventh Circle of the Dealer's Room,
We were lined up alphabetically, until somebody reversed the polarity,
At least I've got my laptop -- I've got time to play through all of Doom.

Everybody open a vein, everybody wait in line,
New and different forms of pain, every year refined.
Everybody show your I.D., everybody ready to play,
Why can't this be in the room with the Anime?

Dictate a memo to myself,
Next time bring a La-Z-Boy and a portable bookshelf,
I'll pitch a tent, I'll hack the 'Net, I'll use the Force,
Two folks behind me met, got married, then divorced,
In due course --

Finally in sight of the badges and convention handouts,
I try to take three deep breaths, but these fanboys haven't heard of soap,
Frustration, chaos, anarchy, broken computers, closed-in spaces, and humidity --
I haven't had this much fun since that fender-bender with the Pope.

Everyone read Game Of Thrones, everybody wait in line,
Now you pay the real price for buying ahead of time.
Everybody run for supplies, everybody run to the john,
Everyone will wait all night to get in the,
Everyone will wait all night to get in the,
Everyone will wait all night to get in the Con.

credits

from Holy Crap, A New Album, released March 20, 2020
Words: © 2002 by Tom Smith
Music: "Get In Line" by Jim Creeggan, Steven Page & Ed Robertson

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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