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They're Mismanaging Our Satellite

from Holy Crap, A New Album by Tom Smith

/

about

J. Michael Strazcynski, creator of the best TV show in history, Babylon 5, was up to something. No one knew quite what, though. Various clues were cast about: a reference to "2.35", implying the 2.35:1 ration of widescreen movies; mysterious initials, "TMoS", which some took to mean "The Movement of Shadows". All they knew was that there would be an announcement on May 15, 2004.

Well, the announcement was late. So many people continued what they'd been doing for some time -- coming up with cute, funny, and sometimes Just Plain Weird things that fit the initials. I continued this trend myself on my LiveJournal, starting a contest for the best suggestion. That would be the title above, which came from a guy whose moniker is "dbcooper". The vote-winning song style was Gilbert & Sullivan, and the melody is pretty much "Here's A First-Rate Opportunity" from The Pirates of Penzance. And, if, for some reason, you don't get the main reference, it's a summation of the shenanigans on the Satellite of Love, as seen on the other best TV show in history, Mystery Science Theater 3000. (Originally the song referenced Mama Forrester at the end. Now it's Kinga. Time marches on.)

lyrics

I am living on a satellite,
Watching awful movies every night.
Making fun of them is merriment,
For it's all a grand experiment.
But I must say something isn't right,
There's a lack of proper oversight,
And the two main people I can thank:
Doctor Forrester and TV's Frank.

Down in Deep Thirteen they plot a way
They can bludgeon all our thought away.
And for me they couldn't give a fig,
For they use me as their guinea pig.
If a film destroys my sanity,
They'll unleash it on humanity.
So I have to blend an iron will
With the wit and shtick of Benny Hill!

It's good I've got these robots here
To help me with this task,
I don't think I could make it all alone,
They're something that's quite bracing a-
Bout sitting on your ass
In the darkness making fun of Sly Stallone!

Dr. F. and Frank will calibrate
What we think of Manos: Hands of Fate.
They deprive me of my oxygen
Unless Endless Love I watch again.
One sadistic day they made us see
Glitter, Wild Wild West, and then Gigli.
How I long for something erudite,
And for getting off this satellite!

I am living on a satellite,
And for all the world I have to fight,
For if any of these films get out,
Dr. F would win, I have no doubt.
But if I'm to escape banishment,
Deep Thirteen needs some new management,
So come on and join the chorus, sir --
Oh my god. It's Kinga Forrester!

credits

from Holy Crap, A New Album, released March 20, 2020
Music: based on "Here's A First-Rate Opportunity" from The Pirates of Penzance by Gilbert & Sullilvan

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Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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