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The Terror of Sis Boom Ba

from The Last Hero On Earth by Tom Smith

/

lyrics

WAFFLE
If I had not already been beaten up by robots
Or teleported offworld, I'd think I whacked my skull.
Lemme check: Some ninja pirates with dinosaurs for mascots
Have a gorgeous kidnapped princess. Well, this party won't be dull.

PIRATES
Sis Boom Ba! Sis Boom Ba!
Sis Boom Ba! Sis Boom Ba!

ALISHAYA
What are you all chanting? Some ritual or charm?

PIRATE CAPTAIN
No, Princess, we're just calling on our favorite little pet.
She's as gentle as a kitten -- that's been armed with plasma rifles --
And today, I'm sad to say, she hasn't had her breakfast yet.

ALISHAYA
... Oh.

PIRATE CAPTAIN
Ah, yer a quick one. For a few more minutes, anyway.

PIRATES
Sis Boom Ba! Sis Boom Ba!

PIRATE CAPTAIN
She's a standard issue monster from a prehistoric time,
Just ignore the thirty tentacles and foul acidic slime.
She's as harmless as a butterfly, but starving her's a crime....

PIRATES
We're feeding you to Sis Boom Ba!

PIRATE CAPTAIN
She's a fifty-foot-long bundle of dismemberment and fun,
And her favorite snack is Princess, served upon a toasted bun,
And princesses in the neighborhood -- well, you're the only one....

PIRATE CAPTAIN, PIRATES
We're feeding you to Sis Boom Ba!

PIRATE CAPTAIN
I can't tell you where she came from, we're not sure where all she's been,
And we cannot tell what kinda beast she be.
All we know is, now and then, the poor girl's lookin' awful thin,
So we has ta go and get some royalty!

She's a evolutionary aberration to the core,
She'd be sweet as any lamb except her taste for blood and gore
And we're telling you about it so you know just what's in store...

PIRATE CAPTAIN, PIRATES
We're feeding you to Sis Boom Ba!

[They throw the Princess onto Sis Boom Ba's altar]

PIRATES
Hey! Who's that swab upon the altar!
What's that gadget that he's got?

WAFFLE
Princess, pull yourself together --
There! I think I've got that knot!
Now let's --

ALISHAYA
Sir! Look out behind you!

WAFFLE
Only time for one good shot --

[*splorch*]

[huge nasty beast gurgles]

PIRATE CAPTAIN
Well, blow me down! She likes it!

WAFFLE, ALISHAYA
Let's get away from Sis Boom Ba!

credits

from The Last Hero On Earth, released May 26, 2006
Princess Alishaya: Karen Underwood

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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