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The Sinister Sixty Strike

from The Last Hero On Earth by Tom Smith

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about

(This isn't exactly a song -- it's a fight scene with some music in the background)

lyrics

FENDERBENDER
What th-

AMAZING GRACIE
Robots!

DOCTOR ZEN
There must be fifty of them!

COMPTROLL
Omniscan confirms sixty!

MAXICRON
Hero League -- to the fray!

FENDERBENDER
That battle cry is so gay!

DOCTOR ZEN
Now, let's not offend --

MAXICRON
Don't look now, my friend, but they're trying to blow us away! Blue Streak! MacroMan! AirRaid! Watch it!

FENDERBENDER
Macro! Watch out --

MACROMAN
Wh- AAAAH!

[MACROMAN is hit by one of the robots and vanishes]

AMAZING GRACIE
Macroman! He's gone! Max, he's gone!

MAXICRON
Macro... later! Stay frosty, Leaguers! Don't let 'em touch you!

DOCTOR ZEN
Amazing Gracie! To your left!

AMAZING GRACIE
Doctor Zen!

DOCTOR ZEN [discorporates, recorporates]
That was close!

DARK SUN
Fenderbender! incoming! three o'clock!

FENDERBENDER
Whoa! Thanks, Dark Sun!

DARK SUN
No prob- [zapped, gone]

FENDERBENDER
Dark Sun! Crap!

DOCTOR ZEN
Maxicron! Something is fouling up my mystic senses!

AMAZING GRACIE
It's those electrodes! That's what's doing it!

MAXICRON
Shield Maiden! Envelop as many of those as you can!

SHIELD MAIDEN
As you say, Maxicron! HI-YO-TO-HO! HI-YO-TO-HO! HI-YO-TO-H- [zapped, gone]

MAXICRON
Dammit, we're getting taken apart here -- WHA!

AMAZING GRACIE
Oh no you don't!

MAXICRON
Thanks, Gracie!

AMAZING GRACIE
Thank me later!

FENDERBENDER
Ha! I have more trouble opening a bag of chips -- AHN -- [zapped, gone]

AMAZING GRACIE
Fenderbender! AAH!

MAXICRON
Get -- AWAY -- from her!

AMAZING GRACIE
Thanks, Max!

FAFNYR
Stupid robots make Fafnyr's friends go 'way! Fafnyr ticked! [starts to transform into a dragon] AND THE TICKED-ER FAFNYR GETS -- ARRH! [zapped, gone]

AIRRAID
Maxicron, a little help? We're gettin' overwhelmed here!

MAXICRON
Multiplex! Six-A Defensive!

MULTIPLEX [splitting himself off into six]
Got it, boss!

[a robot grabs one of him, and they are all zapped, gone]

MAXICRON
Comptroll! Logic beam, stat!

COMPTROLL
On it! Logic beam engaged in three... two... warning! warning! Circuits disrupted -- [zapped, gone]

DOCTOR ZEN
Mystic forces guide my hand! Ho! Ha-ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust! -- AAH -- [zapped, gone]

AMAZING GRACIE
Max, it's just us! We're all that's left!

MAXICRON
Then let's make 'em earn it, kitten.

AMAZING GRACIE
Oh yeah.

Maxicron! Behind you!

[they fight valiantly, but are quickly overwhelmed]

MAXICRON
Gracie!

AMAZING GRACIE
Max!

[zapped, gone]

SIR WILFRED
Dr. Mallevo.

DR. MALLEVO
Yes, Sir Wilfred?

SIR WILFRED
I believe Professor Carstairs mentioned something about... an ultimatum?

[both chuckle menacingly]

credits

from The Last Hero On Earth, released May 26, 2006
Amazing Gracie: Karen Underwood
Shield Maiden: Anne Schneider

license

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about

Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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