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The Ballad Of Julie The Hobbit

from For Your Confustication by Tom Smith

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about

A commission song. I love fantasy-fying up people's lives.

lyrics

It’s a little street down there in old Sussex County
It’s quiet and peaceful and dull
Twas a beautiful lass, all style and class,
A past master at shotgunning skulls.

And you’d see her sashay down the street every day
With a +7 chef’s knife in hand,
She’s the curviest blonde ever wielded a wand
And her Beef Crumble’s best in the land.

Oh, I’ll sing you a song about Julie the Hobbit,
A bundle of earthly delight,
She may be short of stature, but being with her’s rapture,
She captures my heart every night.

In a village nearby, a young man caught her eye,
A gentleman, Peter, by name,
It turned out every morning she passed by his door,
So our heroine turned up her game.

While she carried her torch, she would leave on his porch
A fresh casserole every day,
And that savory treat made his heart skip a beat,
Till she’d stolen his heart right away.

Oh, I’ll sing you a song about Julie the Hobbit,
A bundle of earthly delight,
She may be short of stature, but being with her’s rapture,
She captures my heart every night.

On the twelfth of July they’d leave Blackboys behind
for a classical concert at Leeds
with fireworks and cannon, they’d love with abandon
Till they’d satisfied each other’s needs

Somewhere on the way, they had Toby one day,
with his Doctor and Yoda and Groot,
And Sasha the Shepherd, and Doreen, who peppered
Their lives with love... and eye of newt.

‘Tis a mill town in Wales, with all that entails,
It’s charming as days out of yore
Hardly any undead, and the folks are well fed
With Pavlova, Beef Crumble, and more.

And the street’s always ringing with loud, bawdy singing,
The most wonderful smells fill the air,
And our Peter and Julie and Toby are, truly,
The happiest family there.

Oh, I’ll sing you a song about Julie the Hobbit,
A bundle of earthly delight,
She may be short of stature, but being with her’s rapture,
She captures my heart every night.

credits

from For Your Confustication, released September 19, 2017

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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