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Tanuki Dating Blues

from Arrivederci 2020 by Tom Smith

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about

One of the songs I wrote for my abortive attempt at a 2018 24 Hour Comic Book Day album. Suggested by Peter Eng, it's a bit... esoteric. "Tanuki" can refer to a type of Japanese dog, or a supernatural spirit, both with huge testicles. Guess which one I went with. That's right, both.

Oh, and -- dunno if you guys have figured it out, but I really only have one basic structure and melody for a 12-bar blues, that I riff on constantly. It's like a plate, a delivery system for the nummies.

lyrics

One day while I was walking under a waning moon,
I met a Japanese dog that looked like a raccoon,
Except that his, erm, junk, looked like a couple huge balloons.

Tanuki was his name, or maybe Bake-Danuki.
He was looking at me funny — I said, "What you want with me?"
He said, "You look lonely — I represent e-harmony."

He said, "You’re out here walking under a waning moon,
You’re obviously in need of some intimate companionship soon."
I said, "I’m just getting takeout — pork fried rice & crab rangoon."

Just then a pretty lady, well, she just happened by,
She looked me up and down, I could tell I was her kinda guy.
She had a bag of takeout (snfff) — tom ka gha & shrimp pad thai.

She sat down beside me, on this big convenient log,
Said, "We could share our takeout in this lovely romantic fog.
But I gotta know — what’s with the balls on your dog?"

I said, "He’s not my doggo — he’s just standing where I’m at,
He said he works for e-harmony, wanted to get me in a chat.
Working for an online dating service — guess you need big balls for that."

Three years later, we’re married, and that raccoon dog’s still around,
And he’s still got huge testes, that crazy trash panda hound.
Takes him two days to lick himself — and you don’t wanna hear the sound.

(to the tune of "Shipoopi" by Meredith Wilson)

Tanuki, tanuki, tanuki,
The dog with massive balls.
Tanuki, tanuki, tanuki
It must hurt when he falls.

credits

from Arrivederci 2020, released August 28, 2021
Including a brief quote from "Shipoopi" by Meredith Wilson

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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