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Take Your Hands Off The Bear

from iTom 2​.​0: Transitions by Tom Smith

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Lorenz Schmiege
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Technically, following the theme of this album, this is a song about break-ups. But everybody does songs about break-ups. Probably Mister Rogers did a song about break-ups. What this song is really about is how much I love Da Bear.

If you've ever seen me with Da Bear at a con, and especially if you're one of Da Bear's circle of friends, you know what I'm talking about. Da Bear is irreplaceable to me. And I believe and hope that I am in a position to never have to worry about any variation of this situation... but, dammit, this is how it would end up. 'Cause I got the bestest bear.

lyrics

Well, this is it, the day it ends, the day we say goodbye,
You know I'd hoped that we'd stay friends, but you won't even try,
You've gone through my possessions, claiming everything in sight,
Stuff I got when you weren't with me, but, you know? I just won't fight.

'Cause it's worth it to be rid of you, you can strip the walls and floors,
But there's one thing you're not getting, there's one thing that's not yours
You can have my new computer, and my favorite easy chair,
But there's no way you're getting my stuffed bear

Take your hands off Mister Gumpus, he don't belong to you,
And I don't want him traumatized just because we're through
I've had him since I was a kid, before you were even there,
So take... your... hands... off the bear.

You can take my games and comic books and every DVD,
You can take my leather trenchcoat that looks all Matrixy,
You can take my amplifier, and my classic Fender bass,
You can take an anvil to the skull, or a smack upside the face

But get your hands off Mister Gumpus before you leave for good,
Oh, and, by the way, he hugs me better than you ever could,
You'd complain when he would shed on you, like your cat has no hair,
So take... your... hands... off the bear.

The kind of bear that you don't see anymore,
The kind of bear that you don't buy from a store,
Whenever I would talk to him, you'd laugh at me and nod,
And slowly back away, like I was doing... something... odd....

Well, at last our time is over, and I guess it's just as well
I'd say don't let the door hit you, but I hope it hurts like hell,
And as we part, I'm wondering what you ever saw in me...
There's a lump beneath your jacket. Mister Gumpus! Where is he?

Take your hands off Mister Gumpus! Now we're brawling in the street,
And I didn't know you could punch that hard, or that you had such quick feet,
But you're trying to steal my childhood, and it really isn't fair,
So take... your frickin' hands... off the bear.

Mister Gumpus is between us, and we've both got a good grip,
And of course this is the point where Mister Gumpus starts to rip...
But I won't risk that, I let him go, you laugh in victory...
And Mister Gumpus comes to life, and runs right back to me.

You thought you owned Mister Gumpus, but he can't be owned at all,
He's been my bestest magic friend since I was three feet tall,
You can break my heart and take my stuff, but there's one thing you can't share,
So keep... your frickin' hands... off the bear.

And when I go to sleep tonight, my bed will not be cold,
Mister Gumpus will stay with me, and he won't let me get old,
For whatever you and I once had really can't compare...
To the love of a boy for his stuffed bear.

credits

from iTom 2​.​0: Transitions, released January 26, 2007

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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