Immediate download of Take Your Hands Off The Bear in your choice of 320k mp3, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire. Also, if you buy it here, the money actually goes to Tom. :)
Technically, following the theme of this album, this is a song about break-ups. But everybody does songs about break-ups. Probably Mister Rogers did a song about break-ups. What this song is really about is how much I love Da Bear.
If you've ever seen me with Da Bear at a con, and especially if you're one of Da Bear's circle of friends, you know what I'm talking about. Da Bear is irreplaceable to me. And I believe and hope that I am in a position to never have to worry about any variation of this situation... but, dammit, this is how it would end up. 'Cause I got the bestest bear.
lyrics
Well, this is it, the day it ends, the day we say goodbye,
You know I'd hoped that we'd stay friends, but you won't even try,
You've gone through my possessions, claiming everything in sight,
Stuff I got when you weren't with me, but, you know? I just won't fight.
'Cause it's worth it to be rid of you, you can strip the walls and floors,
But there's one thing you're not getting, there's one thing that's not yours
You can have my new computer, and my favorite easy chair,
But there's no way you're getting my stuffed bear
Take your hands off Mister Gumpus, he don't belong to you,
And I don't want him traumatized just because we're through
I've had him since I was a kid, before you were even there,
So take... your... hands... off the bear.
You can take my games and comic books and every DVD,
You can take my leather trenchcoat that looks all Matrixy,
You can take my amplifier, and my classic Fender bass,
You can take an anvil to the skull, or a smack upside the face
But get your hands off Mister Gumpus before you leave for good,
Oh, and, by the way, he hugs me better than you ever could,
You'd complain when he would shed on you, like your cat has no hair,
So take... your... hands... off the bear.
The kind of bear that you don't see anymore,
The kind of bear that you don't buy from a store,
Whenever I would talk to him, you'd laugh at me and nod,
And slowly back away, like I was doing... something... odd....
Well, at last our time is over, and I guess it's just as well
I'd say don't let the door hit you, but I hope it hurts like hell,
And as we part, I'm wondering what you ever saw in me...
There's a lump beneath your jacket. Mister Gumpus! Where is he?
Take your hands off Mister Gumpus! Now we're brawling in the street,
And I didn't know you could punch that hard, or that you had such quick feet,
But you're trying to steal my childhood, and it really isn't fair,
So take... your frickin' hands... off the bear.
Mister Gumpus is between us, and we've both got a good grip,
And of course this is the point where Mister Gumpus starts to rip...
But I won't risk that, I let him go, you laugh in victory...
And Mister Gumpus comes to life, and runs right back to me.
You thought you owned Mister Gumpus, but he can't be owned at all,
He's been my bestest magic friend since I was three feet tall,
You can break my heart and take my stuff, but there's one thing you can't share,
So keep... your frickin' hands... off the bear.
And when I go to sleep tonight, my bed will not be cold,
Mister Gumpus will stay with me, and he won't let me get old,
For whatever you and I once had really can't compare...
To the love of a boy for his stuffed bear.
Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts,
minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come....more
supported by 5 fans who also own “Take Your Hands Off The Bear”
Alexander James Adams "The Blue Rose Rare and Other Faerie Tales" is an excellent album. With songs retelling a variety of myths and faerie tales, each song is both very fun to listen to, fits well together as an album, and is distinct from the rest of the album. Brownie Dan especially stuck out to me, both in terms of just being a really fun song musically and in terms of the lyrics being delightful.
Definitely worth a listen, and thank you for a wonderful album. Kamani
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans. Bandcamp New & Notable May 29, 2020
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone. Bandcamp New & Notable Dec 18, 2019
supported by 4 fans who also own “Take Your Hands Off The Bear”
This is just HILARIOUS
Everyone on it gave such an AMAZING performance
and Kevin's final appearance? Took me completly by surprise *cheff kiss* MarlaHectic