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Sunflower Monster

from For Your Confustication by Tom Smith

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about

Here's a kids' song, inspired by a picture posted on Facebook of a sunflower peeking over a fence as if it was checking for traps. I was the kind of kid who would play in the backyard with GI Joes (the REAL ones, the completely posable foot-tall ones) and fend off invading monsters, so.

lyrics

Sunflower monster wants ta be my neighbor,
Sunflower monster right there by the fence,
Tall and yellow and green with weird behavior,
Sunflower monster doesn't make no sense.

I was in the backyard with Tigger my dog,
Cleaning up after he left a poop log
When suddenly over at the Johnsons' place
Was a big green thing with a sunflower face
He... says... he lives here now,
And he wants to be my friend,
But nobody knows where the Johnsons went
And the noises from their basement never end....

Sunflower monster wants ta be my buddy,
Sunflower monster wants ta be my pal,
But I can see that the tool shed is all bloody,
And no perfume can take away that smell.

So I went to my tree fort and waited all night
With my slingshot, rocks, and a big flashlight
When suddenly just about three fifteen
There were all kindsa monsters, tall and green,
They... had... sunflower heads,
And laser guns in their vines,
So I ran down with my baseball bat
And whacked 'em in their spines

Sunflower monster grabbed me in his tendrils,
Sunflower monster yelled right in my face,
He said that they cannot be discovered,
Until they assimilate the human race.

So I held my breath and waited for the end...
... but nothing happened.
He said "But you're my friend."
And he smiled at me and set me on my feet,
I said, "Where are the Johnsons?"
And he said "We had to eat"....

Sunflower monster's really an invader,
But he also is my bestest friend,
He's gonna suck your brains out, see you later,
And when they've got you all, well, that's the end.

credits

from For Your Confustication, released September 19, 2017

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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