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Rotten Robin

from Who Let Him In Here? by Tom Smith

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Nathan Filizzi
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When I wrote this back in 1988, I thought it was the definitive scoop on The Batman's Boy Wonder No. 4. (Earth-1 Dick Grayson, Earth-2 Dick Grayson, pre-Crisis on Infinite Earths Jason Todd, post-Crisis on Infinite Earths Jason Todd. Ee-yup. Four. They're up to at least six now, between Tim Drake and Carrie Kelley from The Dark Knight Returns.) This is way more eulogy than I thought he deserved.

Well, of course, comic books being comic books, he's been back from the dead for several years now. And everybody thinks he's so cool. No, he's not.

Oh, and the "Jason from that camp" is of course Jason from all the Friday the Thirteenth movies.

lyrics

Introduction (to the tune of "Greensleeves"):
Alas, my love, to me wrong you've done, you've interrupted my joy and fun,
You dropped me into that acid vat -- I'll get you back, you dirty bat.
Green hair, 'tis such a fright, my lips too red, my skin too white,
My purple suit, it looks so cute, but not so distinct as my green hair.

Tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet, tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet,
Tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet, tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet,
Tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet, tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet,
Tweet, tweet -- tweet-tweet!

He lived on the streets where he learned to steal,
Even swiped the hubs off the Batmobile.
Batman thought he deserved a chance,
But try to be a man wearing short green pants.

Rotten Robin, Rotten Robin,
Oh, Rotten Robin, you're a cotton-pickin' pain in the side.

His parents got killed by the local mob,
For getting caught up in a little job.
Batman thought he should show some class,
But Jason's first law was "Watch Your Ass."

Rotten Robin, Rotten Robin,
Oh, Rotten Robin, you're a poster child for infanticide.

Commissioner Gordon said "The kid's a punk,"
Alfred found hot TVs in the Batmobile's trunk.
When he put in a stereo with a hundred-watt amp,
They wondered if they had the Jason from that camp.

He followed the Joker one dark day,
And got caught -- funny how it works that way.
So here ends the story of a damn rude teen,
Wrapped around a barrel of nitroglycer-een.

Rotten Robin, Rotten Robin,
Oh, Rotten Robin, you'll be soaked up with a blotter tonight.

Tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet, tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet,
Tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet, tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet,
Tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet, tweedle-ee deedle-ee deet,
Tweet, tweet -- he's meat!

credits

from Who Let Him In Here?, released January 20, 1991
Music: "Rockin' Robin" by J. Thomas, with a quick quote from "Greensleeves" (English trad.)

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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