Rocket Ride

from by Tom Smith

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about

MarCon's theme in 1994 was "Retro SF", and I spent about five hours in the Hyatt Food Court writing this for my concert. I'm not positive, but I believe that first performance is the one on the Digital Acoustic Compilation.

I could probably go on for a half-hour about this song, and maybe someday I will, but for now let's just leave it at, I love it, and a lot of other folks seem to love it too. It's been my standard closer (or, bless you all, encore) for years. This recording is rom In Concert: MarCon 2013. I was backed up by filk rock band Toyboat.

lyrics

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,
Nothing worth doing that I haven't tried.
There ain't no living on planet-side,
Come on with me, baby, on a rocket ride.

How many cities crumble into dust
At the first atomic attack?
How many self-aware, wise, and just
Computers will we have to hack?

How many supercars will turn to rust
'Cause we don't have a spare or a jack?
Give me technology we can trust,
And give it fins like a Cadillac.

I want a shining tower of glass and steel,
A rubber jumpsuit and a freeze-dried meal,
The will to survive, the need to explore,
The love of adventure, who could ask for more?

I want you, baby, right by my side,
Help me get out before my brain is fried.
The stars are waiting, so big and wide,
Come on with me, baby, on a rocket ride.
Come on with me, baby, on a rocket ride.

How many demons out in cyberspace
Will possess every hacker's will?
How many members of a master race
Will come closing in for the kill?

How many xenomorphs will change their face,
And then hunt us down for a thrill?
Give me a villain with style and grace,
And a little bit of fencing skill.

They used to be angular, sneering and bald,
If someone got killed even they were appalled,
They tried to marry the heroine, no thought of rape,
And they sure as hell knew how to wear a cape.

They never tortured, they never lied,
They'd honor a promise if it meant they died.
Let's find a villain with professional pride,
Come on with me, baby, on a rocket ride.
Come on with me, baby, on a rocket ride.

Terminators, Life Force, Robot Jox, Predators,
Lots of things that know how to flense,
Defenestrate 'em out the doors, gimme gimme Star Wars,
Bring back the Children of the Lens.

Puppet Master, Child's Play, Fright Night, Judgment Day,
Jason, Freddy, Michael, and Stripe,
Let Frankenstein, Ardeth Bey, and Kong chase them all away,
The Movie Snatchers' pods are overripe.

I want more than action and special effects,
To think about what might happen next,
A hero, not a weapons shop with pecs,
A heroine, not an excuse for sex.

I want a bubble helmet matting down my hair,
The ground giving way to the open air,
The joy and wonder as I head out there,
And I know I can have it, if I only dare.

How many bodybuilding macho jerks
Will blow everything full of holes?
How many imitation Captain Kirks
Will spill beer on the ship's controls?

How many stupid personality quirks
Will we see instead of souls?
Give me my baby and a ship that works,
And give us the starring roles.

I want to cruise the galaxy at FTL,
Pursuing Heaven and defying Hell,
I want to do everything that a man can do,
And I want to do it all out there with you.

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,
Nothing worth doing that I haven't tried.
There ain't no living on planet-side,
Come on with me, baby, on a rocket ride.

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,
Nothing worth doing that I haven't tried.
There ain't no living on planet-side,
Come on with me, baby, on a rocket ride.
Come on with me, baby, on a rocket ride.
Come on with me, baby, on a rocket ride.
Come on with me, baby, on a rocket ride.

credits

from Greatest Hits, released February 6, 2016
Words and Music: © 1994 by Tom Smith

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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