Previously, On The Avengers

from In Concert: PenguiCon 2016 by Tom Smith

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That would be "Captain America: Civil War", the blockbuster movie from Disney/Marvel that opened just a few weeks ago. This song was written the week before the movie came out, but one of the nice things about the Marvel Cinematic Universe is that, as a persistent world with consistent characters, you can make some decent predictions about the characters. Or at least some decent jokes. The lyrics are slightly different here than on the recording, because I envision the cast singing it (as they do in Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812).

lyrics

STEVE: There’s a war going on
Out there somewhere
And Banner isn’t here
There’s a war going on
Out there somewhere and Banner isn’t here

ALL: There’s a war going on
Out there somewhere and Banner isn’t here
There’s a war going on out there somewhere and Banner isn’t here
You gotta get with the program you are at the movies
We hope you saw the previous ones if you wanna keep with the plot
Cuz it’s a complicated crossover epic, everyone’s got nine different scenes
So buy all the comics later,
We’d appreciate it, thanks a lot
da da da da da da da da da
Natasha!

NATASHA: Natasha's a spy she loves Bruce Banner, or so we’re told

ALL: She loves Bruce Banner, or so we’re told
Natasha's a spy and Banner isn’t here

WANDA: Wanda is good, still trying to find her place in the world

ALL: Still trying to find her place in the world
Wanda is good Natasha's a spy and Banner isn’t here

VISION: Vision is a droid, organic Vibranium head to toe
We think he’s good but we don’t know

ALL: We think he’s good but we don’t know
Vision’s a droid Wanda is good
Natasha's a spy and Banner isn’t here

You gotta get with the program you are at the movies
We hope you saw the previous ones if you wanna keep with the plot
Cuz it’s a complicated crossover epic, everyone’s got nine different scenes
So buy all the comics later,
We appreciate it, thanks a lot
Da da da, da da da, da da da
Sam Wilson!

SAM: Sam Wilson is hot
People shooting at Steve end up shooting at him

ALL:People shooting at Steve end up shooting at him
Sam is hot Vision’s a droid Wanda is good Natasha's a spy and Banner isn’t here

TONY: Tony is a slut In love with Pepper... or Banner... or Steve

ALL: In love with Pepper, or Banner, or Steve
Tony is a slut Sam is hot
Vision’s a droid Wanda is good Natasha's a spy and Banner isn’t here

BARTON: Barton is fierce, but not super-powered
Natasha’s friend, a crazy good shot

ALL: Natasha’s friend, a crazy good shot
Barton is fierce Tony is a slut
Sam is hot Vision’s a droid Wanda is good Natasha's a spy and Banner isn’t here

We’re the Guardians of the Galaxy, the war can’t touch us here
Other Characters!

BUCKY: Bucky The Winter Soldier is crazy

SHARON: And Sharon is bland

SHARON & BUCKY: They’re Steve’s family, totally messed up

SPIDER-MAN and ANT-MAN: And Spider-Man’s/Ant-Man’s just for fun!

(they both just look at each other)

ALL: They’re both just for fun!
They’re both fun Bucky is crazy Sharon is bland Barton is fierce Tony is a slut
Sam is hot Vision’s a droid Wanda is good Natasha's a spy and Banner isn’t here
And what about Steve?
Dear, bewildered and awkward Steve? What about Steve?
Trying to do the right thing Steve? What about Steve?
What about Steve? What about Steve?

credits

from In Concert: PenguiCon 2016, released May 23, 2016

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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