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Necro Shuffle

from Holy Crap, A New Album by Tom Smith

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about

There are a few projects I have not completed.

One of them is an adaptation of a wonderful collection of responses to writers' prompts, wherein a whole bunch of oddball, fantastical prosthetics were prototyped. One of the commenters said you could write a whole album of these, and I'm trying to. :D I'll let you know when it's all done.

lyrics

I’m just a harmless necromancer,
Okay, that isn’t quite true,
But I’m in control of my immortal soul,
And I pose no threat to you.

I just like playing with dead things,
Maybe bringing them back for awhile,
I’m a social misfit, but you’ve got to admit
I’ve got my own certain style.

Oh, you noticed my legs are skeletal?
Just bones, no meat or skin?
Nothing else in my pants, but I still can dance...
Now let my tale begin.

I was your average necro beginner,
Digging up graves, looking for parts,
Learning all the rules that the medical schools
Leave off the anatomy charts.

One day I hit the wrong graveyard,
It was thoroughly occupied,
Something bit each leg, and I started to beg,
I thought I was zombified.

So I ran back to my laboratory,
Before my legs ran out of steam,
But the rot had begun,
I cut ‘em off one by one,
Then passed out before I could scream.

When I come to, I was... kinda proud,
I’d kept myself from bleeding out,
But my legs were there, I couldn’t help but stare
As they tried to shuffle on out.

Well, I grabbed those refugees and flensed ‘em,
To get rid of that zombie decay,
Proceeded to dice up a few white mice,
In a ritualistic way.

Da leg bone connected to da... hip bone,
The other one set up too,
And I was walking again, just like other men,
If you ignored the damn voodoo.

So now I’m the Dancing Necro,
Say hey when I come to town,
I’ll astaire like Fred while I raise your dead,
You can’t keep a good man down.

On top of that, I’ll kill all your rats
Better than that Hamelin dude,
Just a couple rodent bones keep my two legs goin’,
And keep me in a dancin’ mood.

So if you got a zombie problem,
I’ll set my kettle to boil,
Just a little voodoo and that old soft shoe
And I’ll shuffle ‘em off this mortal coil!

credits

from Holy Crap, A New Album, released March 20, 2020

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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