Immediate download of Neckbolt Love in your choice of 320k mp3, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire. Also, if you buy it here, the money actually goes to Tom. :)
I was trying to think of a catchy title for a song about the "love" between Frankenstein's Monster and a Generic Lovely Female Victim, and the words "neckbolt love" got stuck in my head. Eventually I realized that it could be a variation of Stockholm Syndrome... or maybe just a really interesting kink. I envisioned the song going in a somewhat different direction -- she ends up sleeping with every monster she can find, that kinda stuff -- but I like the way it came out much better.
lyrics
I was created in a flash of lightning,
By someone who thought he was God,
He made me oversize from my neck to my thighs
Oh yeah, I've got a killer bod.
But since he gave me such good equipment
And since he gave me this mortal life,
The least he can do is to do what he do
One mo' time and give me a wife.
But he seems a little reluctant,
His arguments are too profound,
He's got all this angst, so I'll just give thanks
That his girlfriend is hangin' around.
I got a brain full of secret desires,
I got a heart full of feelings so sweet,
I got an armful of luscious unconscious brunette
And a cave right down the street.
I may grunt like I'm dumber than crabgrass,
But I can talk if push comes to shove,
And right now, today, all I got to say
Is get ready for some neckbolt love.
Well, at first she started to protest,
She screamed and she beat on my chest,
But when I jumped away, her eyes filled with dismay
And she tore off my wolfskin vest.
Her hands grabbed ahold o' my shoulders,
Her ankles went behind my knees,
And next thing I knew I'm on my back and she's doin'
A tonsil-osculectomy.
Whatever it was I expected,
Wasn't what I got, oh my.
I wanted "prim and proper", but in bed I can't stop her
And I'm not sure I should try
She got electricity chargin' my body,
She got thunder rattlin' 'round my brain,
She got me dazed, confused and maybe vaguely used
And I don't know if I should thank or complain
She got me inside out and upside down,
Sideways, below and above,
She got me wonderin' why I decided I
Should get me some neckbolt love.
Well, after two weeks I was exhausted,
And when I woke up, she was gone,
But she came back there with streaks in her hair
And a whole lotta bandages on.
My creator attempted a rescue,
But she told him to hit the road,
Now every Saturday night we crank up the lightnin'
And hook up my electrodes.
She told all her friends about me,
Now they all want a monster too,
So, fellas, don't despair if you ain't Fred Astaire
Somewhere there's a scream queen for you!
I guess everybody's got their secrets,
Everybody's got their kinks,
Everybody's got somethin' gets them hot,
And it may not be what you think.
And if you can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em,
I'm the editor-in-chief of
The best-selling obscene inventions' magazine,
Check out this issue of Neckbolt Love.
Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts,
minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come....more
Alexander James Adams "The Blue Rose Rare and Other Faerie Tales" is an excellent album. With songs retelling a variety of myths and faerie tales, each song is both very fun to listen to, fits well together as an album, and is distinct from the rest of the album. Brownie Dan especially stuck out to me, both in terms of just being a really fun song musically and in terms of the lyrics being delightful.
Definitely worth a listen, and thank you for a wonderful album. Kamani
This album is absolutely lovely-- the amazingly expressive readings from the book that inspired it, and the folksy songs that retell the tales in a brand-new way are lovely, and the lyrics are delightfully clever. Solidly an all-time favorite! kiritanpo
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans. Bandcamp New & Notable May 29, 2020
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone. Bandcamp New & Notable Dec 18, 2019