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My Self​-​Driving Pickup Left Today

from Holy Crap, A New Album by Tom Smith

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about

Not a whole lot to tell about this one, really. The idea's been floating around the internet for a couple of years, but as far as I can tell nobody's written it, so.

lyrics

If life’s a sunny day, I’m in a Cat 5 thunderstorm,
My fridge died, all my food’s gone bad, and all my beer is warm.
My girlfriend up and left me, she said I was a jerk,
I lost my job, and now I have to reimburse my work.

My mom and dad disowned me, I brought the family shame,
The grandpa I’m named after said he’s taking back his name.
My friends have all abandoned me, none of ‘em said a word,
And now, on top of that, ol’ Elon Musk flipped me the bird.

My self driving pickup left today,
It didn’t like my destination, and it refused to play,
I turned my back for seven seconds, and it drove away.
My self driving pickup left today.

My daddy’s guitar broke its strings, so I can’t sing the blues,
My momma’s big ol’ tabby cat threw up inside my shoes
(While I was still wearing ‘em. I have no idea how she did that.)
My comic book collection all got soaked in burning lard,
And Google, Lyft, and Uber hoisted me on their petard.

My self driving pickup left today,
I’m living in the ultimate bad country song cliche,
No moonlit nights, no beer, no blondes, how’d things work out this way?
My self driving pickup left today.

The apple tree beneath which I had my first kiss is gone,
A back hoe ripped it out, then dug up my entire lawn.
And my golden retriever, my friend since childhood,
Was in the backseat with my ex when that truck took off for good.

My self driving pickup left today,
I’ve still got thirty payments left, what will my dealer say?
I guess I’ll have to move on, but things should be okay,
The flying one should be here Saturday.

credits

from Holy Crap, A New Album, released March 20, 2020
Image licensed from Linnaea Mallett @ publicdomainpictures.net

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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