My Latest Booking

from We Don't Talk About Torgo by Tom Smith

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about

Yeah, it's a lousy pun for a title. What'd you expect?

I can't exactly remember what comment on Facebook set this off, but the gist of it was, somebody said something or had a typo or whatever, which made it sound as if I, me myself, was the Necronomicon, H. P. Lovecraft's ultimate tome of evil. Cool.

Oh, and -- the last joke comes from the fact that I COULD NOT sing it at the original tempo. I tried, I really did. My breath isn't what it used to be. Maybe because, as an ultimate tome of evil, I don't have lungs anymore, I dunno.

lyrics

I'm... the...
Anthropomorphization of the dreaded Necronomicon,
The darkest book of evil is what my physique is based upon,
Abdul al-Ahzrad wrote me after hearing insects speak to him,
Although I'm sure his editor thought that it was all Greek to him.

Within me are the mysteries no mind can bear to think about,
The truth about the Great Old Ones, who someday will return, no doubt.
The facts behind why Elder Gods are omnivores, not herbivores...
And... forbidden signs and sigils used to ward of ancient servitors.

I've made a token effort in the study of psychometry,
And do my taxes using non-Euclidian geometry,
And so, in matters temporal, noncorporeal, and eons gone,
I am the flesh embodiment of Lovecraft's Necronomicon.

credits

from We Don't Talk About Torgo, track released August 6, 2021
Music: "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General" by Sir Arthur Sullivan
Illustration: from a very cool 3D print product page --
www.cgtrader.com/3d-print-models/miniatures/other/necronomicon-ex-mortis

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about

Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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