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My Bonny Cat Lady Of S​.​H​.​I​.​E​.​L​.​D.

from For Your Confustication by Tom Smith

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A commission song. I love fantasy-fying people's lives.

lyrics

Well, I was out roving one morning in spring
When a fine bonny lass did appear.
She had stars in her smile and a quirk in her style
And a Bluetooth headset in her ear.

She said, “Just a moment, I want you
To wait while I contact my team,”
In a manner most loud, she purred, hissed, and meowed,
I was sure I must be in a dream.

Agents Emmylou, Rufus, Lucinda, and Ludwig,
Her kitties are out in the field,
And they don’t need icers to catch any mice,
She’s the Bonny Cat Lady of SHIELD.

She took my hand, we moved onward
With a couple of side-glancing looks,
See, her bosses employ her at being a lawyer,
But she just wants to curl up with books.

She said, “I’d like to find someplace cozy,
We could play Words With Friends until three,
Or we could just get jiggy, like lovely Miss Piggy,
You look like a Kermit to me.”

She watches real housewives do fake things,
She saw Nathan Fillion and squealed,
And the New York Times Crossword she does like a boss,
She’s the Bonny Cat Lady of SHIELD.

We went back to her natural habitat,
A room lined with bookshelves galore,
And we cooed and we sighed while her kitties all spied,
And I’ve never known such bliss before.

And since then every day’s an adventure,
And I feel like I’m living the dream,
The cats look for clues while she’s shopping for shoes
And I’m proud to be part of the team.

She’s a master at all kinds of wordplay,
On that subject she will not yield,
Her elite feline force has escape claws, of course,
She’s the Punny Cat Lady of SHIELD.

And to her I have sworn my allegiance,
And our futures together are sealed,
She’s my partner, my wife, she’s the joy of my life,
The Bonny Cat Lady of SHIELD.

credits

from For Your Confustication, released September 19, 2017

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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