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Mad Scientists United

from The Last Hero On Earth by Tom Smith

/

lyrics

MAD SCIENTISTS
Mutter mutter mutter mutter
Mutter mutter mutter mutter
Mutter mutter mutter mutter
BLIND FOOLS, BLIND FOOLS!

... mutter mutter mutter
Mutter mutter mutter mutter
Mutter mutter mutter mutter
BLIND FOOLS, BLIND FOOLS!

... mutter mutter mutter
Mutter mutter mutter mutter
Switch, switch, Igor, throw the switch!

... mutter mutter mutter
Mutter mutter mutter mutter
Mutter mutter mutter mutter
BLIND FOOLS, BLIND FOO-

DR. MALLEVO
Silence!

This emergency assembly of Mad Scientists United
Is hereby called to order, or as close as we can get.
The first, last, and only item on today's agenda
Is, HOW COME WE HAVEN'T KILLED THE BLOODY SUPERHEROES YET!?

MAD SCIENTISTS
Well, it isn't very easy, given that they're superheroes,
They're invulnerable or armored or they're awful bloody fast,
And they're awful bloody smart.

PROFESSOR CARSTAIRS
Or they're awful bloody lucky,

DR. MALLEVO
How 'bout awful bloody dead! Is that so very much to ask?

MAD SCIENTISTS
Well, we don't work together very well.
We don't call each other on the phone,
Inspiration takes hold, and, if the truth be told,
We each want to get the glory on our own!

I've been working on a deathtrap that'll shred them in their skivvies,
I've built a giant laser that'll fry 'em where they stand,
I'll construct a transmutation gun to turn them into privies,
I've got a hundred-foot-long hero-smashing robot hand.

I've got a mind control device so strong Dick Cheney curtsied,
I've got a giant vacuum that'll suck away their breath,
I've got some earthquake pills that I can hide inside some birdseed,
I've got some exposition that'll bore them all to death.

We've got awful bloody plans for an awful bloody conquest
And awful bloody visions of an awful bloody fate
On so much we are divided, but in this we are united
It's those awful bloody heroes that we hate!

DR. MALLEVO
But HOW COME WE HAVEN'T BLOODY KILLED THEM YET!?

SIR WILFRED
Just wait.

credits

from The Last Hero On Earth, released May 26, 2006
Additional Vocals: Tom Underwood

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Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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