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Lazarus Long

from Holy Crap, A New Album by Tom Smith

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It is entirely possible I’m putting my foot in it.

You all remember this Heinlein quote. “A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”

Yeah, well, I just squeezed it into some Kenny Chesney.

lyrics

Met a man, dressed like a space marine, Virginia was his lover,
Had a rocket in his left hand and a bottle in the other
He said “I have lived a thousand years, that’s why they call me Long,
I’ve picked up some things along the way, let’s put ‘em in a song.”

He said, “Living’s our main job, specialization is for insects,
Human beings are more flexible, and we need different skill sets.
Any one of us can step up when it’s time to seize the day,
There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch, but there’s lots of ways to pay.

Lazarus Long said hit the road, we’ve got a long long way to go,
You’re gonna live, you’re gonna die, what you do in between is why,
You’ll do things wrong, then do ‘em right, learn a new thing every night,
Build a wall, butcher a hog,
Pitch manure, conn a ship,
Write a sonnet, learn to love,
Make a friend, you’re a human, rise above.

One of the / joys in life is happiness / at the joy of others,
If you get / help, then pay it forward, we’ve all got to help each other.
And you’ve / found the key to love and as a person you have grown
When / someone else’s happiness is essential to your own.

Lazarus Long said hit the road, we’ve got a long long way to go,
You’re gonna live, you’re gonna die, we ain’t perfect but we try,
Just be strong, don’t forget if you’re not dead you’re not done yet,
Join a team, act alone,
Cook a meal, set a bone,
Change a diaper, learn consent,
Be a friend, you’re a human, represent.

When you get as old as I am, there’s a certain way of seeing,
Just how far we’ve come and have to go to be best at human being
Progress comes from lazy people trying to just get something done,
And pessimists are right more often, but optimists have more fun.

Find your own Glory Road, we’ve got a long long way to go,
You’re gonna live, you’re gonna die, you can crawl or you can fly,
And if you still don’t have a clue, I’ll draw a diagram for you:
Change a diaper, make a plan,
Butcher a hog, conn a ship,
Design a building, write a poem,
Balance books, build a wall,
Set a bone, say goodbye,
Take an order, take command,
Join a team, act alone,
Solve for X, see what’s wrong,
Pitch manure, code an app,
Cook a meal, fight a war,
Die with honor, we’ve all got scars,
Wear yours proudly, we are human, to the stars.

credits

from Holy Crap, A New Album, released March 20, 2020
Music: "Get Along" by Josh Osborne, Shane McAnally and Ross Copperman

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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