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Just A Kid From Brooklyn

from For Your Confustication by Tom Smith

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Captain America is one of my heroes.

Dude's a good guy. Maybe the ultimate good guy. Sure, he's enhanced -- faster, stronger, better, yadda yadda yadda. But he's not bulletproof. That's why he carries a shield. Oh, and, he's basically the embodiment of everything good about the American spirit.

Why is why Marvel Comics' announcement in late May 2016, that he's secretly been a deep agent for Hydra his entire frickin' life, offends me to the core.

There are a million ways to change this story 'round -- it's not as if Stan Lee didn't do it back in the 1960s. Thing is, we KNEW it was a storyline that obviously couldn't last for long. He didn't go to the mainstream press and tell everyone, yeah, this is the way it is now. He didn't smugly mock fans for their outrage. And he didn't enable the writer and editor as the fan press have, basically saying, "Well, now, let's see what stories they're going to write."

They have completely missed the point of Steve Rogers. Of Captain America.

In all the Marvel Universe, Cap -- Steve -- is the one absolute beacon of Trying To Do The Right Thing. He's every kid who ever got beat up, who swore that he wouldn't let anyone get bullied ever again. That's why he does what he does. Except now it's not.

Screw that noise. #NotMyCap #SayNoToHYDRACap #NeverHydra

lyrics

He’s the star-spangled man, he’s the man with the plan
He’s the hero in whom we believe.
He is brave strong and true in the red white and blue --

He was just a kid from Brooklyn, kinda sickly, kinda short
And he got beat up a lot ‘cause he was the geeky artist sort,
So he always hated bullies, never backed down from a fight,
When Europe went to war, he knew he had to do what’s right.

But the Army wouldn’t take him, Go home, was all they’d say,
Till a military scientist said there’s a better way.
One secret treatment later, that’s where his legend starts,
They gave him the perfect body, but he brought his perfect heart....

And now you tell me... he’s a Nazi
You want to prove the best of us can end up like the rest of us
You’ve rewritten the story and you know you’ll increase sales
And tell us it’s so great, how you’ll spin so many tales.

You’ve heard about his shield, to keep him safe from harm,
And how he used it like it was an extension of his arm,
You’ve heard about his buddies, and how some paid the cost,
The woman that he loved, the childhood friend he lost.

But most of all, you’ve heard about the man behind the mask,
How fighting for our freedom was his most important task,
Sometimes it was a rescue, sometimes it was a fight,
But sometimes it was just his words and knowing he was right

And now you tell me... he’s a Nazi
You want to prove the best of us can end up like the rest of us
You’ve undone his whole purpose, and then shoved him off a ledge,
And tell us it’s so bold of you, how it’s oh so cutting edge.

You say “But Hydra’s not the Nazis, that just isn’t so
We retconned that in a miniseries just four years ago
They only were the Nazis’ allies, can’t you see the diff?”
Can’t you see your argument go driving off the cliff?

He was just a kid from Brooklyn, scrawny arms and sunken chest,
But still he was a good man, and he became the best,
The icon, the example of what goodness ought to be,
And you changed his basic story, and you told the press with glee.

But we know what you’re doing, you’ll fix it in two years
And meantime you’ll ignore the anger and the childrens’ tears
You need to prove that heroes aren’t so noble or so pure,
But we knew that, and what YOU’RE doing shows us that for sure.

So go to hell, he... is no Nazi
We already know the best of us can end up like the rest of us
You’ve undermined the story for a few quick comic sales
And can’t even see on every level how your gimmick fails.

Go to hell, he... is no Nazi
It’s the latest novel twist and it really, really missed
You want to make your mark, well, take a bow and raise your cup,
Because you’ll be remembered as the man who screwed things up

Go to hell, he... is no Nazi,
His purpose is to fight against them for what’s right,
The only thing you’ve shown is that you just don’t understand,
Your fan base or the stories or the heart behind the man.

He’s the star-spangled man, he’s the man with the plan
He’s the hero in whom we believe.
He is brave strong and true in the red white and blue, but
Most of all,
He’s just a kid from Brooklyn named Steve.

credits

from For Your Confustication, released September 19, 2017

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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