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I Want My Flying Car

from iTom 1​.​0: And So It Begins by Tom Smith

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Chris Thompson
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When I was growing up, spies and outer space stuff were huge. And there were a gazillion or so visions of futuristic technology, from Maxwell Smart's shoe phone to The Man From Glad's jet pack and flying platform, from the Jupiter 2 to the Enterprise's transporter beam. (My own favorite vision of the future was Jule Newmar as AF-709, the robot on My Living Doll.) Everybody just knew it would be really cool, at least in getting from Point A to Point B.

Almost fifty years later, and here we are with $3.00+/gallon gas, wars in the Middle East, and big, ugly boxes driven by people more interested in their cell phones than in your, or their, personal safety.

I like my version better.

lyrics

I'm a twenty-first century man
With my twenty-first-century stuff
But my GPS and PCI-Express
Are never gonna be enough

I got a toothbrush that turns the mattress,
Got a phone that'll walk the cat
My plasma TVs record DVDs
But I don't care about that

I want my flying car
I want my flying car
I want this two-bit Dodge the hell out of my garage
Hitch my station wagon to a star
I want my flying car

They told us we'd have robots and portable fusion,
Clone our bodies so we wouldn't stay dead,
But I have to doubt 'cause it didn't come out
The way Mr. Asimov said.

My coffee brews itself every morning,
My shower cleans itself every night,
But twice a day I'm caught in a traffic knot
I'm growing older at every red light.

I want my flying car
I want my flying car
You know it just ain't fair, I wanna hit the air
Bid the street life au revoir,
I want my flying car
I want my flying car
If I make a mistake I can use my air brake,
Or grab a phone line with a spar,
I want my flying car

No more waitin' and hatin, and jerks tailgatin'
When I'm levitatin' over the town.
Parking fees wouldn't matter, I'd drop a rope ladder
Over side and climb right down.
No barrels or cones or construction zones,
No blasting radio in the next lane,
I'd put on a Stetson and make like George Jetson,
If I've got a flyin' car, I can get a girl like a
Jane!

... Jane, stop this crazy thing!

A thousand miles to the gallon,
It never rides bumpy or loud,
When the weather gets nasty, I make a real fast Z-
Positive climb through the clouds,
I never worry 'bout signs or signals,
'Cause who's gonna take me to jail?
Wait, what's that siren? Is someone else flyin'?
I got pigs on the wing on my tail.

Up in my flying car
I want my flying car
Why stay on the ground when you can drive around
In a Chevrolet Shooting Star?
I want my flying car
I want my flying car
Well, I don't care how, 'cause I'm ready now,
The future can't be that far,
I want my flying car.

credits

from iTom 1​.​0: And So It Begins, released October 26, 2006

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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