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Howie's Norvegian Bluess

from And They Say I've Got Talent by Tom Smith

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For Howard "The Birdie Song" Harrison, the only tall black guy I know who says, "Eh?"

lyrics

Woke up dis mornin', just like I always do,
Don' know why 'xactly, but dis morning I'm feelin' kinda blue.
'Course, I'm a Norwegian bachelor farmer -- hey, whatcha gonna do?

Got myself a Guernsey, she's all covered with spots,
In spring she gives me fertilizer -- well, I give her Ex-Lax, and she makes garden plotz.
Some local kids got some paint, an' on my cow they played connect-the-dots.

Got a high-tech fishin' pole, dat new Zebco rod & reeler,
It's got anti-lock brakes, a cell phone, GPS, Weber gas grill, Firewire, and potato peeler.
And streaming internet radio, so on Saturday I don't have to miss Garrison Keillor.

I got my woman Inga -- an' Inga's lookin' mighty fine,
She's my hot Wisconsin mama -- twenty six, but she could pass for thirty-nine.
I ain't goin' out with her for her brains -- not that shes goin' out with me for mine.

She went down to da dock and wondered: How much lumber we got here?
She counted all the boards and slits between 'em, hit the end and disappeared,
I guess it's true what dey say -- when you're outa slits, you're outa pier.

When she got back on dry land, I asked her, Where'd ya go?
She shrugged and said, "Slit happens" -- why she said dat, I'll never know,
It musta been pier pressure -- Well, That's the song. I gotta go.

credits

from And They Say I've Got Talent, released November 5, 2004

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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