Hot Sauce and Ice Cream

from by Tom Smith

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about

The phrase came to me some time back, and I actually thought of making it the title song for iTom 2.0. The first complete version I had tried a little too hard to be Leon Redbone, i.e., it didn't actually tell enough of the story to tell a story. (I never metaphor I didn't like.) I am pretty fond of the construction "you and you alone".

lyrics

I met this girl, cute and shy, too quiet for your average guy,
But somethin' 'bout her caught my eye and soon we started to date
Soft kisses, sweeter than wine, and I wanted to make her mine,
But she said, "I won't cross that line, please, darling, we can wait."

One night we were at her place, she got a smile on her face,
And said she really liked the taste of hot sauce on ice cream
She shook her head when she had a bite, her eyes got red and awful bright,
She dragged me to bed and all that night Was a hot romantic dream.

Hot sauce, ice cream,
She got lost in between,
Fire and frost, the two extremes
But things aren't what they seem
Is she the girl I thought I knew?
Is this somethin' other women do?
Do Ben and Jerry have a clue
What can happen to an ice cream cone?

She got up with the morning sun, and no memory of what we'd done,
She kissed me softly and said "Hon, could you bring me another plate?"
I was suspicious but poured that heat on the frozen vanilla treat
Next thing I knew I was off my feet and the next two hours were great.

Hot sauce, ice cream,
Double-crossed, double-teamed,
Lip gloss and sticky steam,
Exhausted, ready to scream,
I love her both, and we love to play,
But please, girls, not all night and day,
There's not a lot more I can say,
Or do but mewl and moan.

I can't explain it, though I've tried, what's her brain got goin' inside?
It must be a strain being Jekyll and Hyde, but I know there's somethin' more.
Is she pretending? Is she stressed? Is she demented or possessed?
What's the ending? I Can't guess. That's what the last verse is for.

I went to my place and found two of her there, she'd undergone fission, split into a pair,
They were kissin' like they didn't need air, I'm caught between frisson and despair,
I saw the lay of the land, Why would they still want a man,
I turned away but then two hands pulled me back and shut the door.

Hot sauce, ice cream,
I'm lost in between,
Fire and frost, the two extremes,
I'll pay the cost, and all my dreams
Of being complete have come twice as true
'Cause now my sweetie is the two of you
An ice cream treat with tabasco too,
Just you and you alone.

credits

from iTom 3​.​0: True Love Waits, released May 11, 2007

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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