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Five Years

from Debasement Tapes by Tom Smith

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about

For those of you who have no idea what the heck this song is about, it's very simple. I'm a big fan of the Canadian group Barenaked Ladies, and also of the magnificent TV series Babylon 5. This is basically a lot of the highlights of the series, set to the tune of BNL's breakthrough hit, "One Week". If you're still confused, ask around online. You'll find someone who will happily regale you about either or both for just HOURS.

The song has changed very slightly since it was first recorded. See, it makes reference to the follow-up series, Crusade, which was... not as good. So the next-to-last line now is, "Joe, I've seen Crusade -- you're gonna be sorry".

lyrics

It's been... five years since we went online,
Laurel Takashima's gone, but Susan's so fine,
Five years since the Vorlon came,
Someone tried to kill him, Sinclair didn't take the blame.
Twelve years since we held the Line,
Twenty-four hours missing outta Jeff's mind,
Yesterday, it went off TV.,
But it'll still be okay, 'cause we got the story.

Oh my God, how it enthralled me, with Garibaldi,
He's getting' balder every season.
He got attacked, his buddy Jack, he went and shot him in the back,
To keep on track the planned assassination/treason.
Hot like Ivanova and Talia, we're gonna Draal ya,
And then we'll kick a little Zathras,
Al Bester's in the Psi Corps, we got a mind war,
Ironheart's the mower and you're the grass.
Lennier and Vir will share a beer and watch Adira disappear,
Without her, Londo's Morden likely bound for darkness,
So it begins, and then Delenn will spin Triluminary
Thin and glowing spiderwebs and step into the Chrysalis.

G'Kar is helpless, then he's hostile, then a holy man,
Trying hard not to smile in front of Sheridan,
I'm the kinda guy who laughs at the Shadow horde,
Can't understand, then you're not a three-edged sword,
I have a tendency to do my thinking with my hands,
I have a history of taking off my gloves.

It's been... five years since Third Age began,
John met Delenn, but Anna would be back again,
Five years since we met Neroon,
He ended up a hero, started out a major loon,
Three years since the Shadow War,
Nastier than any aliens we've seen before,
Yesterday, all the Narns were freed,
But there is something still Keeping hold on Centauri.

Medieval Marcus, the Rescue Ranger,
Lorien shows up, and things get stranger,
Watching out the window of a White Star, it came from Minbar,
And then we'll steal Babylon Four.
Sinclair's fork would be a Valen Tine, he travels through time,
And Ba-Bear-Lon Five is too cute.
Lyta comes back and she's eyin' a guy named Byron,
And Reebo in a Zooty Zoot Suit.
Gonna meet the violence with defiance and Alliance
Cause the giants left the playground with a lot of blood and sorrow.
Gonna get a room on Z'Ha'Dum, the ship'll zoom,
And then go Boom Shubba Lubba 'cause there's always one tomorrow.

How can I help it if I think they're driving Johnny mad?
All the time used to smile, now he's Dave's dad,
I'm the kinda guy who'd rather walkabout than run,
Can't understand why they killed their own son.
I have a tendency to shorten everybody's hair,
I have a history of lopping off heads.

It's been... five years since "The Gathering",
Beginning, middle, end, Joe wrapped up the whole thing,
Five years since we saw this show,
How good it was gonna get, there was no way to know,
Three years since we really knew,
We voted Joe a Hugo, then we gave him Number Two,
Yesterday, it went off TV.,
But we have still got Crusade, so we ain't too sorry.

Still got Crusade, so we ain't too sorry....
Still got Crusade, so we ain't too sorry....
Bring me the head of Londo Mollari.

credits

from Debasement Tapes, released May 25, 1999
Music: "One Week" by Ed Robertson
Additional Vocals: Anne Schneider

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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