We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Filk In The Blanks

from Debasement Tapes by Tom Smith

/

about

Writing filk Mad-Libs® isn't all that difficult. You take a song, choose certain well-placed words as targets for replacement, and get your friends to suggest whatever goofy stuff they can think of. The tricky parts are: (1) it works better if you replace, say, one word in eight, rather than the one in five I did with this, if only because it takes less time; (2) If you're gonna be cute and let them replace words at the ends of lines, be sure to pick two rhyming lines -- don't lead them, let them lead themselves; and (3) try not to use the obvious ones yourself in the original song -- "Jerry Springer" is the best example here. You will notice a few points where I smoothed out a line, just because it was easier than trying to strictly follow the format. Oh, and, no, I have no idea what a Cadillac Terra is.

lyrics

Once upon a time, there was a cute little girl,
Who lived with her aging Grandpa,
And who hoped that one day she would travel the world,
And retire to a Norwegian spa.
She picked lots of flowers and sang lots of songs,
For a child, she truly was wise,
So when alien brain-suckers happened along,
That child was truly surprised.

They did the things alien brain-suckers do,
Which mostly means sucking on brains.
They probed places probably best left unprobed,
And showed her brand-new types of pains.
They did things that would've freaked Mulder and Scully,
They aimed and they shot and they scored,
Then they made her forget that she'd ever been sullied,
And dumped her back in the fjord.

So, let this be a lesson to cute little girls,
And to anyone hearing this song:
Don't ever let aliens suck on your brains,
Although the temptation is strong.
You never can face your dear mother again;
If a lawyer, you'll be thrown off the bar.
Only tabloids and Jerry Springer will be your friends,
And you'll get rude phone calls from Ken Starr.

... and, a whole bunch of audience suggestions later...

Once upon a time, there was a crunchy little possum,
Who rotted with its horrified Grandpa,
And who hoped that one day it would plummet off the Eiffel Tower,
And retire to a Disney World spa.
It stomped lots of bedbugs and whirled lots of eggplants,
For a possum, it truly was wise,
So when alien elbow-planers happened along,
That possum was truly surprised.

They did the things alien elbow-planers do,
Which mostly means planing on elbows.
They digested places probably best left undigested,
And showed it brand-new types of Velcros.
They did things that would've bewildered Bonnie & Clyde,
They conjugated and they escaped in a Cadillac Terra,
Then they made it forget that it'd ever been burbled,
And dumped it back on the Sahara.

So, let this be a lesson to crunchy little possums,
And to anyone hearing this song:
Don't ever let aliens plane on your elbows,
Although the temptation is strong.
You never can dance your dear red meat again;
If a spelunker, you'll be thrown off the deli.
Only Matt Drudge and X-Files will be your friends,
And you'll get rude butterscotch from your belly.

credits

from Debasement Tapes, released May 25, 1999
Words: Tom Smith, with a little help from his friends
Music: "My Unicorn Song" by Tom Smith

license

tags

about

Tom Smith image

Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

contact / help

Contact Tom Smith

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code

Report this track or account

If you like Tom Smith, you may also like:

Bandcamp Daily  your guide to the world of Bandcamp

On Bandcamp Radio

Beans joins the show to discuss his album release, "ZWAARD".

listen now