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EULA Dancing

from Songs of The FuMP, Vol. 1 by Tom Smith

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Ahhh, those beautiful Hawaiian ballads. Just be sure you know PRECISELY what they mean....

lyrics

We welcome you to our beautiful island
And lift your spirit with our traditional island song.
Koma will translate.

Naha nehi / neh-a lei-a he mi / ay ma maia me hanni ney hey
naha nehi / neh-a alli wa hai / mia meh-a me hanni oo eh

Important -- Listen Carefully.
This song is a legal agreement between you, hereafter referred to as "the listener", and us, hereafter referred to as "the band". You agree to be bound by the terms of this song. If you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this song, do not listen to it.

Nahi nehi / me got sand in my eye / and me think me should buy a new shoe
Mia mi hi / try papaya stir fry / with pastrami on rye and a dew

You may listen to this song one time, right now, when we're singing it. If you want to listen to it again, you must [a] buy our album, [b] put money in the tip jar, or [c] learn it yourself. You are prohibited from learning it yourself unless we teach you. We reserve the right to teach you incorrectly.

Mia no like no tahini / mia no like chocolate cake
Mia prefer some linguini / just like me mom used to make

If you decide you do not like the song, you must completely remove it from your memory. We recommend a partial frontal lobotomy or a substantial intake of Jack Daniels. (Always drink responsibly.)

Mia me hey / we with the N S A / we record what you say on the phone
So you might like / to speak into the mike / if someday you apply for a loan

You agree that the band may collect personal data from you. This includes your wife's age and weight, your bowling average, and the phone number of your hot teenage daughter. This may be sold or distributed to our partners, usually in the format "For a good time, call...".

Bet you surprised / we been singing so long / without mentioning Mister Don Ho
Look to the skies / get the sun in your eyes / Look, Zaphod's just this guy, you know?

You agree to give us your bank account and credit card numbers. We don't really expect you to, but some people are just that dumb.

Are you going to eat that?

Mia no care want you wantee / mia no care what you think
Mia got all of your money / plus you owe mia a drink

Your exclusive remedy for any breach of this Limited Warranty is as follows: Tough noogie. Any damage you suffer from sitting too close to the amplifiers is your own fault. I mean, come on. They're ukuleles.

Naha me hey / in the U S of A / breaker breaker good buddy ten four
Thank you for play / ing, now please go away / don't let yourself get hit by the door

If you heard this song in the United States, this license is governed by the laws of the State of Hawaii. If you heard this song in Canada, you are obviously a music pirate, as we have never been to Canada and don't sell records there. The Mounties are on their way over right now; please wait for their arrival and DO NOT DESTROY THE EVIDENCE.

Nahi neh hi / neh-a lei-a he mi / iy ma maia me hanni ney hi
listen to Ray / Charles sing "what you say" / na na na na, hey hey, goodbye

This EULA is the entire agreement between you and the band. If you have questions about any part of this agreement, it's too late. There's nobody here to talk to, and if there were we wouldn't answer the phone.

Aloha....

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

credits

from Songs of The FuMP, Vol. 1, released January 9, 2008

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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