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Written in August 2012, a couple of months after The Avengers was released. What I love is that fandom speculated about a gazillion ways to bring Coulson back from the dead, and the producers of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. found a different one.

lyrics

Coulson lives, that's the fangirls' marching song,
Coulson lives, even Whedon got it wrong,
Loki stabbed him through the chest with that big knife,
But somehow it managed not to take his life.

Coulson lives, SHIELD's medics were in time,
Coulson lives, if they weren't 'twould be a crime.
It turned out that Loki only stabbed a Coulson LMD,
Doing roughly the same damage as an arrow in the knee,
Plus he's routing WiFi right through Loki's shiv,
Coulson lives.

Coulson lives, that's the fangirls' solemn creed,
Coulson lives, for his presence there's much need,
Captain Rogers must sign Phil's trading card stash,
Not to mention all that Barton/Coulson slash.

Loki was pwned, all he impaled was thin air,
He was cloned, or he wasn't even there,
Phil's in Portland with that cellist, or in Bagdad or Beirut,
He's like Carmen SanDiego with a better looking suit,
We could throw him off a hundred thousand cliffs,
Coulson lives!

Coulson lives, he was gone but he's returned,
He was fragged, but another life he's earned,
Reincarnated, or brain stored in a jar,
Or his voice will play through Tony Stark's new car.

He'll come back as Grey Phoenix one fine dawn,
Or as SHIELD's top-ranked zombie liaison.
Maybe he rules some dimension filled with fantasy cliches...
Or, hey! Galactus goes through heralds like Pete Parker through Aunt Mays.
So if you see all that fic and say, "What gives?"
Coulson lives!

credits

from In Concert: ConGlomeration 2015, released July 22, 2015
Music: "Be Prepared" by Tom Lehrer
Used without permission, under provisions of Fair Use in 17 US Code § 107

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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