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When I ran this one by her, my ladyfriend pointed out that the phrase "scary clowns" is redundant. She's right.

Happy Halloween.

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It's that time of year, for fun and for fear,
For dressing as ghosts and ghouls,
Kids go down the street, they yell "Trick or Treat",
And they follow these simple rules.

Don't take any candy that smells like cheap brandy,
Open manholes, don't crawl down,
But the thing to do first is beware of the worst --
Too late! Look out -- it's clowns.

Nobody knows where they came from,
Or how long or why they're in town,
No, all that we know is they're here, they won't go,
And they seem to be all around,
Scary clowns.

With whiteface, bulb noses, and cute squirt-gun roses
And clothing that Sears doesn't sell.
They remind us what's good about our childhood,
If we lived in Kabuki Hell.

Their fluorescent shaped hair makes Anime fans stare
And those big floppy shoes really fit
Whether feathered or furry, there's no need to worry
-- Say, is that not Tim Curry from It?

They can pack thirty-five in a clown car,
So they've no trouble under your bed,
Ignore that noise 'cause it's not clowns in your closets,
Waiting for you to lay down your head,
Scary clowns.

Don't think of those painted-on teardrops --
Couldn't be they're unable to cry.
Don't think of the reasons they always wear gloves,
Don't think about what's in that pie.

Instead,
Think of the ones who would blow up balloons,
In the shape of a dog or giraffe.
Yes, remember the fun, not those freakish buffoons,
And for God's sake don't think of that laugh....

It's that time of year, when the clowns are all near,
Rather closer, in fact, than I like,
Always there with a gag from a big trick-filled bag,
Always waiting and ready to strike.

Now, to tell you the truth, there's not one shred of proof
That they really mean anyone ill
So you shouldn't assume that they've got that push-broom
To clean up the mess from their kill.

They're jolly good fun entertainers,
They're prolly just clowning around,
But watch for that sly little gleam in their eye,
As you get on the merry-go-round,
No, you've nothing to fear when the circus is here,
At least till the sun goes down,
Scary clowns.
Scary clowns.

credits

from iTom 1​.​0: And So It Begins, released October 26, 2006

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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