We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Can't Get The File To Play

from iTom 1​.​0: And So It Begins by Tom Smith

/

about

In many ways this is "On The PC 3" -- just a silly idea I got about something with which I have absolutely no experience, nope nope nope nope nope. Like "Cthulhu Lite FM", this one had to be revised to be, y'know, funny. At first I didn't want to throw in all the names of actual programs, because I felt that, as with "On The PC", they dated the song; but then I realized it's something of a time capsule anyway, and throwing in the names was perfectly fine (as long as the producers of all that fine software understand I wasn't really ragging on them). The direct musical influences are "Twistin' The Night Away" and "Palisades Park". Oh, and, it was my exec producer Leslie Larkins' idea to put in the definition of insanity, and it really is appropriate.

lyrics

I got myself a new music file,
A song I've wanted for quite a while,
I load it into my computer's player,
Then proceed to tear out my hair.

'Cause the file don't want to load,
And then it asks for an access code,
Something 'bout digital management rights,
What's with all these blinking lights?

I can't get, no, I can't get,
Can't get the file to play,
I can't get, no, I can't get,
Can't get the file to play.

I just want to hear the stupid song,
Maybe the (INSERT TECH) went wrong,
Or am I missing (YOUR TECH NAMED HERE),
I thought I upgraded just last year.

I found a program, its web page swore
It'd play everything and more,
But I let loose an abhorrent scream,
I couldn't get a Bittorrent stream,

I can't get, no, I can't get,
(Windows media couldn't be greedier)
Can't get the file to play-ay,
(Quicktime is slow today)
I can't get, no, I can't get, I
(And Music Match has only one catch, it)
Can't get the file to play.

I can't get, no, I can't get, I
(Winamp's a wimp and Real Player simply)
Can't get the file to play-ay,
(locks up and fades away)
I can't get, no, I can't get, I
(Wanted to Shoutcast, iTuned it out)
Can't get the file to play.

They say the definition of insanity,
Is repeating actions thinking they'll end differently.
I must not have a player program worth its salt,
'Cause there's no chance it might be the file's fault.

I spent two days on the Internet,
Downloading every codec I could get,
Thirty-seven DivX versions, all unique,
File types that won't exist until next week.

A hundred reboots later, I'm done,
'Cause nothing helps the damn thing run,
You know, it just makes me want to scream,
I only want to hear the Spongebob theme.

I can't get, can't get,
Can't get the file to play-ay,
I can't get, no, I can't get,
I can't get the file to play.

Then came a day when I found some smut,
The best file description ever, but,
Every single time I tried,
I got a blue screen and a kitten died.

I got the file but it took a week,
I hit the play button and I freaked,
Instead of Sluts Gone Wild 7,
It's a Portuguese episode of Seventh Heaven.

I can't get, can't get,
(I feel the hate of using Creative)
Can't get the file to play-ay,
(Roxio, go away)
I can't get, no, I can't get, I
(And Quintessential makes me go mental)
Can't get the file to play.

No, no, I
Can't get, no, I can't get,
(Ace is disgraceful, Core is a bore)
Can't get the file to play-ay,
(And Media Monkey is gay)
I can't get, no, I can't get, I
(I lost my temper, working with MPlayer)
Can't get the file to play.

credits

from iTom 1​.​0: And So It Begins, released October 26, 2006

license

tags

about

Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

contact / help

Contact Tom Smith

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code

Report this track or account

If you like Tom Smith, you may also like: