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Boulevard of Broken Genes

from The Last Hero On Earth by Tom Smith

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Warning: The Exposition Song. Lyrics may or may not make any sense at all.

lyrics

DR. MALLEVO
Look there! A Hero! How could one escape?

SIR WILFRED
Mm. Spandex suit, standard mask, no wings or cape.

DR. MALLEVO
You haven't answered my question! You swore
That the heroes were gone!

SIR WILFRED
Fine! We've got one more.

DR. MALLEVO
But the Sinister Sixty are vanished as well,
And I don't think you'll summon them back out of Hell.

SIR WILFRED
Impatience is no virtue!

DR. MALLEVO
Neither is pride!
Our stronghold is breached -- there's a hero inside!

SIR WILFRED
Not for long.

You think that those robots were all that I had?
The prototype mechanoid will stop this lad.
All we need to do is key his DNA,
And we'll blow the last hero on Earth away.

HENCHMAN
Sir, something is wrong -- the genetic scan
Has registered him as an ordinary man.
No powers, no magic, no alien tech,
There's nothing about him to program the mech.

SIR WILFRED
Well, what about gadgets? A pendant or ring,
A utility belt, there must be something.

HENCHMAN
Sir, he hasn't so much as a pen or a watch.

DR. MALLEVO
Well, find something! Or the whole plan will be scotched!

PROF. CARSTAIRS
We could always shoot him.

MAD SCIENTISTS
Carstairs, you're mad!
I abhor gunplay -- it always goes bad!
And what if he's bulletproof? or absorbs lead?

SIR WILFRED
If you'll calm yourselves, gentlemen... we'll make him dead.

He has no such powers -- we'd've known when we scanned.
I think we can lock on his adrenal gland,
And once we have programmed the Kill-O-Tron mech,
We can watch and enjoy as it wrings this fool's neck.

credits

from The Last Hero On Earth, released May 26, 2006

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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