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Alien Adventures

from Debasement Tapes by Tom Smith

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Someone or other online did a parody of the "Tiny Toons" theme about the Cthulhu mythos. It was pretty lame, frankly, but it started out with the wonderful line: "We're slimy, we're squishy, we're all a little fishy...." I wanted to improve on it, but that would've been simple plagiarism. So, I left it alone, and did the movie Aliens instead. If Steven Spielberg ever wants to animate this, he should hire Phil Foglio to do the storyboards.

lyrics

We're spiny, we're hoary, we're all a little gory,
And in this here story we'll be doing things obscene,
Now John here is Hurtin', his entrails are spurtin',
We'd better draw the curtain on this ugly little scene.

So here's the Nostromo, where the android lost his head.
Ripley and the cat escaped, but all the rest are dead,
We're nasty, we're vicious, we're vile and pernicious,
It's Alien Adventures, come and join the team!

Here's Bishop, here's Apone, they know there's no escape-on',
'Cause we'll do oral rape on the nearest walking food,
Here's Chester, here's Hugger, the grown-up is a mugger,
And Queenie is a bugger if you burn up all her brood,

We're xenomorphic nightmares, and the symbolism's rich,
If you don't understand it, get away from here, you bitch!
We're biomechanic, and maybe you should panic,
It's Alien Adventures, and it's not a dream!
(Dee de dee dee dee -- No one can hear you scream.)

credits

from Debasement Tapes, released May 25, 1999
Words: Tom Smith, after Wayne Kaatz, Tom Ruegger, and Bruce Broughton
Music: "Tiny Toon Adventures" by Bruce Broughton
Additional Vocals: Anne Schneider

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Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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