Release the Unreleased!

by Tom Smith

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about

Over the past several years, I've had some commissioned songs I liked a lot, a couple of new things for The Funny Music Project... even a couple of traditional Irish drinking songs. While a few of these have been released in the wild, most have not. So, hey. I hope you enjoy them!

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released October 1, 2013

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Tom Smith Ann Arbor

Weird Al with more books, JoCo with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. ... more

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Track Name: Quit Freaking Out Over Boobs
Mitt Romney’s a liar and he has no plan,
We’re still at war in Afghanistan,
Our money’s being stolen by rich old farts,
But the news is all about woman parts.

Kim Kardashian looking bored,
Rihanna in a bathing suit -- oh my lord
Christina Aguilera showing off some skin
What alternate dimension are these pundits in?

Quit freaking out over boobs,
You’re not impressing the rubes,
You’re clogging up the intertubes,
Quit freaking out over boobs.

Jenny Love Hewitt on a TV show
She shoulda known better, not the place to go
The stupid host is known for sleaze
Gives her a poster of her double D’s

Lady Gaga in a sexy crouch,
everybody heads for the fainting couch,
The skin-colored outfit she chose to wear
Doesn’t have real nipples or pubic hair

Quit freaking out over boobs,
Go to your room with some lube,
You’re acting like a bunch of n00bz,
Quit freaking out over boobs.

Since the dawn of time, guys have gotten woodies
When they get a glimpse of their ladies’ goodies.
But some get offended, some get afraid,
I suspect they’re the ones not getting laid

The only thing better than something hidden
Is something someone else says is forbidden
If you think God’s sending naked people to hell
Remember he made us naked then he didn’t tell

You moral scolds, you stuck-up jerks,
It’s getting old, it never works,
And you’ve all forgotten where you come from,
The first boobs you saw were on your MUM!

Quit freaking out over breasts,
They’re only part of her chest,
A couple nice girly bits,
Quit freaking out over bosums.

Quit freaking out over busts,
Come over here and hang with us,
Here’s a pornographic Rubik’s Cube
Quit freaking out over boobs.

WHAT ARE YOU, NINE!?
... [sigh] Boobs.

Outtake lyric from the bridge:

It’s only a nipple and a pound of meat,
But some folks go crazy at a naked teat.
The Sexual Revolution still is on
The puritans and calvinists still ain’t gone
They can’t deal with hot and heavy romancing
‘Cause they’re scared that it might lead to dancing4
Track Name: Prometheus
When the moon is dark with flashing lights
A spaceship wreck... and some eggs
Then please... don’t look inside one
Or some... thing might hug your face!

This is the dawning of the alien, Prometheus,
Alien Prometheus.
Prometheus,
Prometheus!

Architecture strange and tricky
H. R. Giger made it i-i-icky
We went through this once in Nineteen
Seventy-Nine, and that was plenty
Ridley Scott’s insane, you bet,
Ellen Ripley’s not grown up just yet
Prometheus,
Prometheus!

When the crew is chewed to pieces
And everything is drenched in gore
Then please... don’t make a prequel,
Although we fear the fanfic more!

This is the spawning of the AU Prometheus,
The AU Prometheus,
Prometheus,
Prometheus!

Let the Spongebob, let the Spongebob in,
The Spongebob in!
And the Hunger, and the Hunger Games,
It's all the same!
My Little Ponies, and the Pokemon
And Dragon... ball Z!
Ja... cob and Edward, Bar...nabas Collins
Could kick both your ass!
With the Doctor and his companions,
His com-panions! (Rory’s dead again)
X-men/aliens, brooding everywhere,
And Ski-ittles Hulks (taste the rainbow!)
Now with Sherlock,
Grimm, and Once Upon
and Once... Upon A Time.
Aven... gers assemble,
The Green Lantern Corps,
And Batman once more....