Crystal Gayle Killed Frank Herbert

from Who Let Him In Here? by Tom Smith

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about

This was my first "big hit". It seemed a really obvious idea, and I was truly surprised no one had thought of it before -- and, as I have noticed, when I get that feeling, I've usually got a winner (e.g. "Smurfin' Safari", "500 Hats"). For those of you who do not Get It, it's basically the two-minute version of the novel and movie Dune by Frank Herbert. There's this spice called melange, y'see, and everybody wants control over it because it gives you mental powers and prescient flashes, but it's a subtle poison -- once it's in your diet, you can't stop eating it or you'll die -- and one of its more obvious side-effects is that it turns your eyes bright blue, and... oh, just get the book, it's a classic. I premiered the song at the one-shot filk concert at MarCon 1986, which was the first really big con I sang at, and the collective gasp of terror as the audience saw the joke coming was enough to hook me on performing for life.

lyrics

The spice melange, it's so cinnamon sweet,
I put it on most everything I eat.
It's addictive, too,
And don't it make my brown eyes blue.

Dad got control over all that spice,
But Baron Harkonnen had him iced --
Tried to kill me, too,
And don't it make my brown eyes,
Don't it make my brown eyes,
Don't it make my brown eyes blue.

So me and my mother ran away across Dune,
Got found by the Fremen, not a moment too soon,
They said it was easier to leave us behind,
But if we went with them, it would stillsuit them fine.

Now I'm dreamin' of a huge jihad,
And the Fremen all think I'm God --
Maybe I do, too,
And don't it make my brown eyes,
Don't it make my brown eyes,
Don't it make my brown eyes blue.

credits

from Who Let Him In Here?, released 20 January 1991
Music: "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue" by Richard Leigh

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about

Weird Al with more books, Coulton with more jokes, Carlin with more Cthulhu. Since 1985, Tom Smith has been breaking ... more hearts, minds, and laws of propriety and physics with his insane blend of sf/fantasy, Life With Computers, pop culture, politics, and puns. More than twenty albums later, he maintains the best is yet to come. less